What does it mean?

What does it mean to be surrendered? 

Does it mind blindly following? Does it mean unquestioning? Does it mean actions or heart?

I work on these questions daily. I believe my following the Lord should be a blind submission (though it does not need to be, He has given us all we need to know in the bible) I take Him at His word without Him needing to prove anything to me. 

Well, in theory at least.  I have Romans 8:28 that tells me I don't have to worry because all things are going to work together for good because I love the Lord (because He first loved me). So why is it hard to trust when I KNOW it will all work together for good? Why do I even doubt that a certain thing will be provided in need, that the money will be there, and so on and so forth. Why? I don't rightly know. I just know I do doubt. I say with my mouth that I do not doubt, that I believe His words to be truth but do I really allow myself to find rest in that?

Psalm 37:7 says "Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him" Rest. Wait. Patience.  All things that come easily? I think no. But lets take them word for word shall we? 

What does rest mean? Does it mean that I need to be frantic? Does it mean that I need to do what I can to cover my bases in case the Lord doesn't handle it? Does it mean I need to get on Michael's case because he is not working fast enough and not accomplishing what I want him too? I think NOT! I think rest looks more like sit. Have a cup of coffee (hypothetically speaking) and take a few deep breaths. Resting is not complaining. Think of it as laying your head on the Lord's chest and just listening to breathe. Feeling warmth and having the comfort of know you are His. Not resigning to that fact, GLORYING in that fact! You can do no more about most situations than you can stop the tide. So why try? Will worrying can add a single hour to his life (Matthew 6:27)? Yes, prepare your horse for battle but remember that deliverance comes from the Lord. (Provers 21:31)

So beyond preparing our horse for battle we find what? 

Waiting for the battle. It will come, you really don't have to look for it. We know that the Lord looks to show Himself strong to those whose hearts are perfect towards Him. (2 Chronicles 16:9) He will deliver and He will be there. However...it may not  be in our timeframe. It may be far from our timeframe. In our finite and feeble wisdom how can we expect to know enough to design our own paths? To direct our own steps? Waiting patiently for the Lord looks to me like not despairing to those around you. Not spewing venom on anyone who is ready to hear about how you are waiting on the Lord to provide but you aren't really relaxed (or joyful...)because you are nervous. 

Oh our nerves...women, they rob us of a lot of joy. I have a big problem with being so nervous about where Michael and I are going to live and how we are going to be provided for that all it takes is one person asking and BLAHHH I spill it all out on them. Not everyone needs to know what going on. I also am having this issue because I am dealing with something else that is really hard for me but Michael has asked me to stick it out and so I am trying too. However...I am having a really hard time with it. When people notice my hard time I do the whole "blah" thing and give them a bunch of irrelevant information that shows how discontent I am. I give them wrong impressions and an overall bad feeling when what I should do is ACT on the fact that the JOY of the Lord is my strength. That doesn't mean its going to be easy for me but why should I let everyone else know that? Its something between me and the Lord and not something I need to broadcast on my face or by my actions. How can I be glorifying the Lord when I am being so self centered?Its all ME ME ME, I want, I need, I'm nervous, can't you do something about it NOW...which leads me to being...

Patient.

Oh, I have a hard time with that word. Patience. I was raised in the age of convenience. I get bored waiting for my food to heat up in the microwave, sometimes I don't bake because it takes to dang long, I use my debit card because its faster than cash, I flip a lid when I'm driving behind someone who goes...gasp...the speed limit. So impatient! Whats the hurry though?

Don't you think God will give me all the time I need daily? Weekly, monthly, and yearly? He knows the time and place for everything and I should be able to view waiting on Him as a blessing. Its like anticipating a present that I don't know when is coming but I know when it comes it will be all I wanted and more! Like I am waiting for Michael and I to find somewhere to live. I am pursuing what I can yes but I really am content to know that the Lord has something ready for us. He has a plan, it may not be mine but it is a plan! I am trying to learn to view slowing down as a good thing. It is a good thing. Rest in the Lord!

So that is my spiel for the day. I feel better now, although I see I have a lot to work on. I have had a lot of little victories in the last few days that have really blessed me because I can see the Lord working in my heart. I can feel this closeness with the Lord and with Michael and I am, for the moment, content. 

...and trying to stay that way.

Thank You Jesus :)