I look at these women (and others) and realize how much I want what they have! I want that family, those kids, that love, a house, freedom to be the woman that I have dreamed of being. Right now I am staring down the prospect of leaving my security, my family, my friends. Going somewhere I don't know anything about. Its scary. I'm scared. I am also sad...I have come to love and cherish so many people here and I don't know how I am going to get through my first years of marriage with Michael being completely preoccupied with school without them here (or rather...there...since I will be there not here...its late give me a break ok)!
I pray that the Lord would give me a heart that is content and prepared for His best for me and not my best for me. And still I feel like weeping...maybe its because its almost 3 in the morning. I just so long for things that I see as being so distant. My desire for a degree is dwindling as my desire for a family grows. My desire to be the best nurse is not as dire as my desire to be the best wife.
I want to be content where I am, looking forward to what the Lord has for me yes, but content. Here, now. Not waiting for my life to start when I get what I feel is sufficient. The Lord is SUFFICIENT! He is so much more so!
Oh Lord, ahhh. (that was a sigh in case you were wondering) I just feel as though I am teetering on the edge. I praise You because You are wonderful and caring and in the light of eternity I realize this is so trivial! Yet You care! You are willing to comfort me if only I come to You! I do come to You now, because You first loved me Lord I can come to You and love You. I pray that You would help build in me a spirit of contentment. That You would impress on me the importance of the journey to contentment, the journey to the different stages in life.
I love You Lord and know You are faithful and so willing to show Yourself stong on behalf of those whose hearts are perfect towards you. Help my heart to be perfect towards You!
Goodnight Lord, I really need to go to sleep. Please help anyone who could be reading this prayer to pray the same along with me. To see the importance of contentment where they are and not where they think they should be!