Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The lameness ensues...

I am upset.
You see, I have just bee browsing the internet for any type of scholarship or financial aid (which I do very often just hoping that I can get something) and guess what...
Since I:
a.)Did not get knocked up in high school
b.)Am not a minority
c.)Am not the child of someone who was deported for illegal immigration
d.)Am not black
e.)Am not Native American enough
f.)Do not come from a troubled background
g.)Am not a disadvantaged person
h.)Have no physical disabilities
i.)Have never been incarcerated
j.)Have never been in a rehab program
k.)Have good grades (its either the best of the best grades or the worst of the worst apparently)
l.)Am healthy
m.)Have two healthy parents
n.)Do not qualify for food stamps.

jeez the list just goes on and on.
Basically, because I made it this far in life without making big mistakes I should be able to pay for college. If I made mistakes, however, they would pay for it. Because I am an average, middle class white girl I get nothing. If I were a Mexican lower class or even a Mexican higher class I would get aid and scholarships. If I were a Native I would get aid and scholarships galore. 

There seems to be something very wrong with that.

And its so depressing to know that I can't get a freaking break!

Monday, April 28, 2008

You Give and Take Away

The Lord gave me this song while I was sitting at the piano a few minutes ago, and it is hard. It is hard to learn what it is to go through this, and it is humbling. 

(played on the piano)
It's so easy to say that you give and take away when I am feeling happy
Its so easy to say that you love me when I can feel I'm in Your grace
When the sun sets on my sorrow
I only hope to make it to tomorrow
Can I say with praise 'You give and take away'?

O Lord help me want to praise Your Name
When You give and take away
O Lord when you give and take away

And its so easy to praise When I'm on the giving side of the phrase
And its so easy to walk away
But help me want to want to say
'You give and take away'

O Lord help me want to praise Your Name
Through the good times and the bad
I Lord when You take away

And its so wonderful to praise Your name when you take away
When each word comes out with tears and pain yet Your holding me again
So take away
My Lord
Take away
What You need!
To get to the end of me

O Lord I love to praise You name
Jesus, when you give and take away

Thats it, a simple prayer. But it is written with tears no one will see, because I don't like it when people see me cry. So I run away and hide whenever I do cry. But that is how this song came, from a heart that gave up. When I give up, I think that is when He can give. Thank you Jesus.

Here is the verse that didn't make it into the final song:

Jesus Your my peace
Yet my heart has been so ill at ease
As I wait, O God, as I wait it seems so long
Yet will I praise?


Apparently I fulfilled a prophesy in Isaiah when I went to Israel:
For the Lord will comfort Zion, He will comfort her in all her waste places; He will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness will be found in it, thanksgiving and THE VOICE OF MELODY'
Isaiah 51:3

Funny huh?

Sunday, April 27, 2008


Do you ever just find that you are desperately searching for something that is ridiculous?

I will not tell you what I am talking about, let me suffice to say that I am a hopeless (or helpless?) romantic. 

So anyways. The Lord has been good, really teaching me about judging people. About how I am a legalist, the best quote I have ever heard is this:
A legalist reads the bible and finds someone it applies too, a christian reads the bible and finds a sinner and tells him about Jesus. 

I have read a verse so many times and thought of just the right person, that one person who really needed to read that verse. Or the one person who really should be listening to this sermon. The plank in my eye has been so amazingly huge that I didn't realize until now that that is what it was. A plank, not a desire for the righteousness of my brothers but a plank. 

The sermon today was amazing.

I need to go to bed, I can barely keep my eyes open. I just thought I would share a little. 

Basically, remember what God saved you from. Remember what you were, and what you went through. And then go be there for someone who is going through that, not to point the finger or pass judgement but to love them nearer to the Lord. 


Saturday, April 26, 2008

A new angle.

I have discovered that amazingly enough, more than three people read my blog. Hm.

Well that was fun, down to the good stuff.

I just got back from the Appleton Leadership Conference. I suppose it is actually a Pastor's conference, but I am not a pastor so I will just call it a leadership conference. I did learn a lot this weekend.

One of the big things that was driven home is that who and what we think is good for the Lord to us is not always (well not even usually) the case. Think of David, he was the least out of his brothers. Even Samuel was surprised at him being the chosen one for the King of Israel. Yet God used him in mighty ways. There are so many instances in the bible of God using people that we would consider unlikely candidates for heroics, yet he uses them and shows that through Him, all things are possible. How wonderful!

I think of this is pertaining directly to my two ministries, worship leader and coffee shop manager. As a worship leader I suppose I look quite often at the outside, at the face value talent. The heart, yeah thats good too, but I want us to sound good. It drives me crazy when people can't play on time, or when they sing out of key, or when they can't get it right. Music is so natural and easy for me that I have become a bit of a snob in this area. It is not good, I know that. I really need to find a way to get out of the mindset that every worship service needs to sound better than the last, needs to be pristine. If I have it all handled, why do I need the Lord?

If I have it managed and I have everyone trained down to the last millisecond of timing, do I have a need to rely on God? If I have the most talented of all musicians in my team, will God be glorified?

Would God be glorified if a timid person who did not sing well, did not play guitar too well, got up and sang in front of a crowd? Got up on stage, closed their eyes and just poured their heart out to the Lord without a care on technicality, bring more glory to God than me who can lead worship for Sunday in 10 minutes notice with no practice? Hmm...

In my weakness, God is glorified. He is glorified through the talent He has bestowed on me, yes. However, I believe that if there was a dance ministry in our church, I would need to be in it.

Because you see I cannot dance to save my life. If someone were blessed by my dance, we would know all the glory would need to go to the Lord.
So Lord, help me on this one a bit please!

But I still am going to make sure that when I do worship tomorrow, it sounds good. I am not going to start singing off key with the crazy notion that it will bring more glory to God, I suppose this revelation has been so that I learn to extend grace to a heart who truly just wants to worship God.

Also, this whole bargain bride thing is going a little bit far. I thought it was a joke at first, but my dad seems quite serious. Hmm...well we shall see. I suppose the Lord has it all planned out, and I don't want to marry anyone but the one He has picked out for me. So lets see who that is!

If he is the dude who can play guitar, sing, and be ridiculously cute and in love with the Lord, than WOOT WOOT!

Monday, April 21, 2008

I took that picture.

that one...

Sunday, April 20, 2008


After watching the movie 'Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed' I have been inspired. I would like to further my depth in the world of Science. I have taken some college Science, Chemistry and such and I really love it. Yes, in the beginning Chemistry was very hard. However, I enjoy it now. 

Learning is so exhilarating. I love the line in the Count of Monte Cristo that mentions the fact that freedom can be taken away, yet knowledge they cannot take. I really love learning about words especially, where they came from, what they really mean. There are many words that we use now that do not mean nearly what we try to have them mean. For instance, our modern slang is off the mark when it comes to using words in their proper context and this drives me slightly mad. 

Take that word, mad. It means to be in a mentally altered or frenzied state. Yet we say 'I am so mad right now!' with the intention of portraying anger not insanity. Curious.

I do know I have one fan in my blogging ambitions. And so I will expound on some thoughts for the tantalization of that particular mind. 


Back to the original subject of Science (how did I get on that rabbit trail?). I think if I do not get married I will just be in school for as long as possible. I would like to get degree's and pHD's and just learn and learn. Of course, I will need my nursing degree first so that I can finance this ambition, but that is a triviality. I am halfway through my nursing degree and so I consider this feasible. If I can make enough to go to a very nice private college, I would be so pleased. I dream of going to a college that is better than a Technical College or State University, but I know I could never afford that. At times I am very jealous of the opportunity my little brother has to go to such a wonderful school without worrying about paying a dime for it, but for the most part I am just very proud of him. It is hard to be to jealous when I know he deserves so much more than I do!

Although I do feel at times as though I am sitting in a room with a leaky roof, my umbrella has holes in it and my raincoat is threadbare. It seems like every time I push on a door it slams in my face and the proverbial leaky roof gets hit with a monsoon. I apply for financial aid and I get none. I work to pay off school, and my grades fall really bad. I don't work and my grades are up but I am so poor. Is it supposed to be this hard? 

Last night I dreamed of sitting in the library of a beautiful University. Surrounded by books and just learning. And then I remembered...I go to a technical school. I am close to nothing in the academic world. The rain keeps coming and I keep looking up at this leaky roof just hoping it will be fixed. 

I would really like to learn more, to get out into the academic world and stand for creationism and the God I know is real. I would love to have my academic career run through the mud for the sake of my Lord! How amazing would that be?

I am sure that at the time I would not think it to be quite so amazing as I think it to be now, but I am drawn to Matthew 5. Blessed are they which suffer for the name of the Lord. 

So, pray that I can pull get out of this rut that is paying for college. Right now I would like to cry. I really would like to know how it feels to not worry about it for awhile. I want to go to a good school so badly! don't even know how badly. 

At times I feel as though I am just not good enough. I mean, why do things seem to work out for other people? What is it my brother did right that I did wrong? I just want to let go and rest and sleep without this hanging over my head. 

Yet, I know the Lord is good. He is so good. And even if I fail, and go into extreme debt doing so, if it is the Lord's will so be it. And if His will has nothing to do with college, then I hope that I can get that and leave it behind. 

Thank you Jesus for all that you have provided! I am so blessed, yet I feel as though I have room to despair.

Forgive me Father for my despair. 

Psalm 27:14
'Wait on the Lord, be still, take heart and wait on the Lord.'

...because Your plan is perfect.

Another day another blog.

I do wish that could read another day another dollar, but since I made no dollars today that is thoroughly inapplicable. 

So today I begged my friend Jordan (Gordo) and he gave me a Toyota forerunner. Funny thing is, the circle of ownership went as so: My brother in law Kevin gave it to his brother Luke, who doesn't know anything about cars so he ran it into the ground without over putting antifreeze or oil into it, when it died he gave it to Gordo and then Gordo gave it to me! 

So maybe it is like my second cousin...the car I mean. 

I wish so badly that it would work because the late 80's toyota forerunners are my favorite of cars. What makes them my favorite is the fact that the top is removable and it becomes like this safari vehicle. I love them.

So my heart is sad that it is broken. Yet...lingering happiness somehow also resides in the knowledge that he gave it to it is mine. Yes, I have a forerunner. Woot woot!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


told me that I blog a lot. And I do, I know.

But you see to me, its as if I am writing to no one. I have no idea who (if anybody) evens reads all of these blogs. Poor soul (if they have read all of my blogs that is).

So in writing to no one, I write a lot. 

So many things plague my mind all day long. I don't know if other people have the kind of thoughts go through their head that I do...but here is a glimpse into how I see, head and think. Seriously ask yourself if you should continue, and please do not sport with your intelligence.

Basically, I think in rhythms. Everything has a beat. From the way I walk to the amount of time I spend doing something. I walk in a beat because if I don't it would drive me crazy. I count everything and measure it out according to the rhythm in my head. I tap my foot to align with the rhythm of my breathing, I count how many seconds it takes me to pour coffee, how many steps to the doorway.

I don't know why I just have always done that. I can't breathe naturally if I am in a room with a clock because subconsciously I need to breathe in and out in alignment with the ticking of the second hand. It drives me crazy sometimes!

I can tell you that at my job in St. Cloud, their are two microwaves that beep 5 times, one that beeps 3 times and one that has a single long beep. I can tell you that the phone number dialed in the movie 'Behind Enemy Lines' is thirteen digits long. I can tell you that most American car horns beep in the key of F. I know because the key of E is perfectly ingrained into my head and I just go a whole step up from there. Weird yet?

What about if I told you I count the steps when I am running? I count the bites I eat in a meal. In order to fill a one gallon bucket full of miniature portion sized ranch dressings you need 163 of them. I don't know why I count, I just do.

I also (apparently) see to much blue. I have always thought the sofa at the coffee shop was blue, my favorite blue shirt is apparently not blue at all but grey. 

I'm not crazy and I don't always finish my counting, whenever I start something I start counting but then I get so sidetracked by things that I stop. I see a bug on a window of a moving car and wonder if a bug has minute and microscopic little fingers that grab onto the car, or if it has a sticky slime on its legs. I go to answer my phone and I sometimes just marvel so much at the thought of a cell phone that I will drop it or forget to answer it. I miss a lot of calls. 

But how amazing is a cell phone? You flip it (or now you slide it, click it, or just talk) and you are connected via your very own voice through...what? From your little microphone that picks up your voice, sends it through a wireless signal and then into a tower blah blah blah...but where does the wireless voice go? Have you ever thought that every time we walk we are in the presence of hundreds of voices traveling to a tower somewhere to be sent somewhere else. How strange? Voices that cannot talk without the right tool, voices that do not know gravity and invisibly slip through our air and into the desired subjects ear piece. Is that not amazing?

W0w, maybe I marvel to easily. What about rocks though. I always stop and look at rocks, put them in my pockets because I am a nerd like that, and I study them later. How long does it take a rock to form? A long time. I mean think of it...everytime you pick up a rock you are picking up something older than our nation. Rocks, wether earthed or unearthed, are so very old. If rocks could speak what would they say? Some rocks have been around since God created the world! How awesome is that? WOW!

So cool!

God is so awesome, He keeps me entertained by giving me this brain that just won't stop!
But I love it!

Thank You Jesus for the wonderful revelations you give me, thank You my Lord for caring!


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I wish that I...

could just stop sinning. Why when I am reminded of my sin even while I am still in it do I continue on as if it doesn't matter? 
Oh that I would love my Lord enough to stop this sick flesh from sinning!

Monday, April 14, 2008

I really...

Want 270$. Well actually I want 3000$ to finish paying off college, but 270$ to just plop down in my lap right now for no reason so that I can take it as a sign. 

LOL but then doesn't Jesus tell us that an evil generation looks for 'signs and wonders'? 

Ohhhh...everything seems to fill my mind and I am still left at a blank.

Lord, you have never failed in providing for me before. Ever. I have always had more than enough. In this time when I am being humbled, when my family is being humbled, I trust that You will lead us. 

Oh Lord help me not to despise the day of small things! Lord I have so many plans that require money that I do not have. Yet, Your will be done and not mine. I know you will provide a way!

And Lord, when the desires of my heart are in one place, help my soul to find rest where I am. I long to be somewhere I'm not, but I know you have me here for a reason. Lord I want to be patient!

Oh Father, your will be done and not mine! I have seen it proved in the past that Your will works and mine never does! It is so hard to wait! And to not know! Especially when the heart is involved.

Jesus, you are the rock that is higher than I. You are the only thing in my life that is firm, constant and unwavering. I thank you for my family, and for all my blessings, but even more I thank you for you. For your grace and mercy!

Lord truly your mercies are new every morning!

And Lord...if you could spare 270$...

If it feels to good to be is true. Well with Jesus anyways...

"Behold! The Lords hand is not shortened that He cannot save, nor His ear heavy that it cannot hear. But YOUR iniquities have separated you from your God, and your sins have hidden His face from you so that He will not hear" Isaiah 59:1-2

For those people who read the last blog and were offended, or who think that the truth should be watered down for a generation accustomed to sin, I'm sorry but this verse is the outcome of that. 
It is OUR SIN that separates us from God, if you want to be separated, and you want to walk in sin, then go ahead. God's desire is for you!

Can you imagine that? The creator of the universe desires you! 

Picture this:

A young man is standing at the alter. He is dressed in the finest tuxedo available and is anxiously awaiting his bride. He has waited for this day for so long! Now finally, she will be his. 

The music starts and the door opens. His breathe leaves him as she walks in the door, so beautiful. She walks down the aisle towards him, their eyes are locked and the love is so great. As she continues down the aisle, another man from the crowd stands up and calls her name. She fidgets a little but keeps walking, looking ever towards her groom. Another man stands and calls louder. She wants to look. She keeps walking.

Finally a man right next to the aisle stands up and reaches out to her. She looks at him and in the moment her eyes are off her groom. This other man gets her attention. This is other man is somewhat dashing, he looks like he could be fun. There is even something intriguing and dangerous about him... but her groom is waiting. Well...what if she was making a mistake? What if the guy she was marrying wasn't the best? She hadn't tried it all yet, why give up a life that could be unlived for such a clean cut guy who looks so sincere? She took a step out of the aisle. 

The young man is devastated, that was his bride. She walks away with this other man leaving him there, full of anticipation for her.

Years later the groom is still waiting for his bride to come back to him. He has called her, he has been there every time she has needed him. She called him when she needed bills payed and she didn't know where the money would come from, she called him when she was worried she wouldn't survive the night in such a lonely dark place as the places she now lived. He always came to her without questioning.

After 10 years she called him again. This time, she said, she was done. She couldn't do it anymore. She had tried living with this other man, but it never fulfilled. He left her empty, broke, and alone. She had lived what the man had called fun but all it got her was bills and a lonely life.

She says to the man who she once was supposed to marry "I'm sorry I left you. I know now that had I gone with you I would have saved myself all of this trouble". She cries. Yet, to her surprise the man never flinches, never tells her that she's right, she should have come with him. He just takes her hand and says "I love you, I still desire you".

She cries. They again prepare for a wedding. 

The scene is similar to the one 10 years before: the young man, now an older man, is waiting nervously. He is so full of anticipation for his bride! The music starts, the doors open and there she is: breathtaking. 

She starts down the aisle. This time she doesn't make it two steps before someone stands and calls out to her. She walks on, keeping her eyes on the groom. With every step a new person cries out to her, yet she walks. She is 3 steps away from her groom, and someone steps in front of her. She tries to keep walking, but he is in the path. She can still see her groom just beyond him. She will not, will NOT take her eyes off of her groom this time! 

But she can't get around it. The man in her way says to her, loud enough for all to hear "You lived with me for ten years and you were fine with it why is it different now?". Tears come to her eyes as she stares at her groom realizing that she is no different. As she starts to drop her gaze the man is pushed to the side and she looks up to see her groom, his hand extended to her standing in the place of the man. 

"My love" he says "I have waited for you for so long, don't be distracted by these things that will not fill you! I desire you!"

She reaches for his hand and they make it to the alter together. She can't look back. There is nothing to see. 

It says in the word that God forgets our sin as soon as we have committed it. That through the blood of His son we are able to come before Him, presented blameless. 

We have this wonderful groom waiting for us, so full of anticipation and yet we choose to go after these second rate loves! This story is true, it may seem ridiculous but is this not what we do to our Lord over and over again? We pretend as though we are in a wedding, we pretend as though we are devoted and than when sin calls us we go to it again and again. 

Because we know God will take us back, we sin. I have come to see though that I should not sin not because it is bad, but because it hurts the one I love. It drives a wedge in between us because He cannot be a part of sin "And your sins have hidden His face from you" Isaiah 59:2

All I want to say is, why choose sin, great or small. Movies, music, books, thoughts, why.

I encourage you to think on this. I know I have, and it has been so very convicting.
Thank you Jesus!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

I have decided...

I have decided that watching a movie with a questionable 'love' (or lust) scene is the same as blatantly looking at pornography. It is a matter of the heart, and guys (and girls too, but not as much) don't even try telling me that your mind doesn't go there. 

How is it any different?

The Lord is concerned with the heart and not with the subject matter. I can guarantee that both of those things (the love scene and pornograhy) are not going to glorify God, therefore, it is a waste of your time anyway. 

I have just been disgusted recently at the movies I have heard my brothers and sister claim to have watched, and even worse, to have really liked.

The movie 300 for instance has a sex scene in it. Sex isn't bad, but its not supposed to be onscreen! And it is not supposed to be something to "Awaken before its time" as is stated in Song of Solomon. When you watch an onscreen couple do that (even if its not 'for real') it is committing adultery in your heart. And if you say 'Well I wasn't committing adultery in my heart!' thats ok, you broke a different command by setting something vile before your eyes. And yes, watching other people (and even paying to do so) take part in one of the most holy of covenants between a man and a woman who are one in marriage, is a vile thing.

Now think of all the movies that show love scenes between unmarried people! It is staggering! There is a new movie, Atonement, that so many of my friends claimed to absolutely love. Well, sorry guys, but its time for reevaluation. There is a love scene in that movie (I have not seen it but I read a review that made me say that I will NEVER see it) that does not show anything, however it does not skimp on the sound effects and certain aspects of this 'love' that are enough to make a grown man blush. 

Also in this movie, the girl is swimming in a see through top. OK, if you are on your own and off in the middle of no where, go ahead. I don't not know a young man who can look at that without getting a switch flipped in his head. That is the way guys are wired, why feed it and tempt your morality?

Girls, its time to protect our brothers. We may whine that guys are dogs and shouldn't think the way they do, but could you stop thinking that way you do when you are tempted with something?

Sisters, imagine this with me. 

We are all sitting just having a good time talking and laughing. Someone brings out the most wonderful delicious looking french silk pie you have ever seen! Unfortunately, they tell that although you have seen it be brought in there, and even though it is pretty to look at and would taste wonderful, your not aloud to touch it. In fact, your not even aloud to think about it! After a half hour, I bet everyone of the girls in the room would have at least thought about that pie much less want, and desire to eat it.

That is how our bodies (as girls) are for the guys. They see something and wether they want it to or not, it flips a switch. Some guys are attentive to this and strive to keep their thoughts clean but sisters why should we tempt a guy with a piece of pie he cannot touch? And them punish him for thinking about it? Why not instead protect our brothers with our modesty and meekness. 

And as for movies, even if it does not 'take you there', watch it. You may not realize what it does to your brothers, and to those around you. And you may not know what kind of a witness you are setting for the world. Imagine a new believer who knows you went and saw the 300 or Atonement. They know what kind of scenes are in there. They have always admired you and looked up to you as a believer and so, knowing that you saw these movies too, they deem them ok. Now they think that you believe these things are acceptable because you choose to entertain yourself with them. If that doesn't stop you in your tracks and make you repent, than it is time to take a chisel to that heart of stone!

God desires our devotion, our hearts. He wants us pure not because He wants to take all of our fun away but because He wants us to have the most fun with what He has designed. 

My brothers and sisters I would encourage you to look at your entertainment, to look at what you fill your head with and test it next to Philipians 4:8 'Finally brothers whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think on such things.'

I am not saying I have arrived, because I haven't. This is a challenge and very convicting to me also. I hope I offended you enough for you to think about changing, but please don't be mad at me but at sin. And then turn from it and never look back!

OH JESUS IS AWESOME! How blessed are we to have One who cares so much about the health of our thoughts and our hearts!?

Thank you my Lord, my Love for you mercy and your grace. You are amazing to me!
Help me to walk in this way you have set that is narrow but so full of wonder and amazement! SO full of love and provision. Oh my Lord and my Love I truly love you!


Saturday, April 12, 2008

For the times...

For the time when I feel faint, when I want to give up. When I see that people aren't changing and that bitterness has a root. 
For the times when I feel the urge to step in the ring and show the doubters what I am made of, which should be humility and not arguing. 
For the times when I feel as though I should give up, not that I just want too. 
Lord, I know it is in those times. 
It is in those times that I need you, and it is in those times that you say to me 'Do not fear'!
Oh, my Lord, my Love. I love you, and I am so thankful for You.

'You draw me near on the day I called out to You and said 'Do not fear!' 
Lamentations 3:57

Friday, April 11, 2008

γνώση=εξουσία πάνω σε νους

Knowledge: Power over the mind

Oh my Lord, knowledge is to much for me!
At times I wish I could go back to the time when I did not know things. When I could simply believe that God was God because it was obvious. When I didn't know people were going to hell.
At this moment people are dying and going to spend an eternity in hell, the epitome of suffering and despair! This knowledge is to much and it overwhelms me! How can a feeble mind such as my own comprehend or even dwell on such a subject without succumbing to madness?
And then I remember, God desires all to know Him. He has made a way for all to come to Him, and these people believe that they are above that way. Oh Lord I would intercede and pray that you would soften their hearts! That they would be won over by your gentle wooing of the soul! That they could experience this wonderful fullness of Your love!

Oh my Lord, my Love. Thank you for giving me this salvation. Thank you that I can wake without dread, without terror. That as a drift to sleep I can hear you whispering Your love in my ear. That I can feel you all around showing me daily that you Love me and that You, the Awesome Creator of the universe desire me! How can this be!

Lord help me to truly desire you and seek after you even a fraction of the way that you seek after and desire me. Why you seek me, why you would desire this heart, I do not know nor pretend to be worthy of. Nonetheless, I am overcome by it.

Oh my Lord, my Love. I desire to please you! I desire to be in Your presence, Oh if You would continue to reveal yourself and Your loving nature to me new every morning! How can I despair when there is so much love? When I am loved in such a romance, such a wonderful romance as no novel can contain! 

I thank You my Love that you promise me no more tears! That you have written in Your letter to me (and all the world) that there will be a day when we will be with you without the barrier of this flesh, when we will be with you forever without the thought of sin. I cannot comprehend what it will be like to not have to watch my back, to not have a need to distrust, to be wary. All I will do is love and be loved and sing praises to my Love who is most worthy!

At times I am jealous, wishing that I could have You to myself. And then I realize, you are the Climax, love can not get any greater than the love that you have, the love that you give. I know you can not love anyone more than you love me (nor can you love me more than you love every one) because your love cannot get any greater; it is already the greatest thing there is! You love every person with a love so perfect, so great that it cannot get any grander! Oh my Lord this is wonderful!

I thank You, my Lord and my Love for this romance! 
And Lord, at the end of this letter, my mind is settled. I know that those who go to Hell have only chosen that way willingly. My only sadness is not that they are in suffering, but that they missed out on You and Your wonderful offer of romance.