The Lord has been so gracious to me this week. He sent me a friend. Not just any friend but a friend directly out of Titus 2:4. Believe it or not this whole idea of being married has put me in a pickle! You could say I have "my undies in a bunch" about it. I am so nervous to be a wife! Not just to be anybody's wife but to Michael's wife! You may not understand where the nerves come from but they are there. You see, dear reader, I hate to fail. At anything. I know I will fail at times in my marriage and that makes me nervous. I get nervous too about all of the responsibility. About paying for a house (or apartment), paying for food, school, and...what if there is a baby in the next two years or so?
I have been seeking the council of many married women, learning to cherish their friendship above what I have previously. I am starting to learn there is less to fear and more to look forward too, with every failure comes a learning opportunity and with every hard time, Michael and I will grow closer together. My new friend has been wonderful in pointing these things out to me. She is a nurse and home schools 4 kids (superwoman!). She married young, started college, had kids, finished college, now home schools them all and work a couple nights a month. That is exactly what I dream of doing someday!
And also what I have dreaded doing.
I worry that I won't be able to be happy with my family, that I will for some reason want to attain "more" I am always wanting an adventure and I just hate to sit still and not feel like I am making a difference. Kris, the lady I am talking about, pointed out to me that the highest calling and greatest adventure I can have is raise the next generation to love the Lord. There is nothing else important in life if I have not the Lord. Wow. I nearly cried I was so encouraged by that! I have a hard time sometimes thinking of being "stuck" at home with my kids drudgingly teaching them to add and subtract and what the Latin root word "photo" means.
But as I was told today...
My kids won't remember me by my career unless my career is them.
If I don't take the time to teach my kids I will have to unteach what the world wants them to learn.
My neighbors won't care in 10 years how clean my house was when they stopped by to say hello.
My husband will care if I worry about cleaning the house for than I worry about him.
All the people I am trying to impress by achieving my goals will have a different perspective on what is a true achievement when they stand before the Lord and give account for their life.
Yes, those are amazing revelations!
I know my calling! Be the best wife (first and foremost), mother, friend, and then nurse that I can. Strive for a healthy relationship and family and in the mean time before the kiddos come along, finish nursing school. Is it a priority? Nope. Wow! I feel so free right now. Like I can relax in the Lord and know that He has some amazing plans for mine and Michael's family!
I also went to look at houses today in Winona! I found one I really, really like! I am hoping and praying that the Lord will bless Michael and I with it. We need the financing, to make enough for the downpayment...there are a lot of factors that could get me really worked up if I dwell on it but fortunately, I don't have too. The Lord has totally got it covered and He tells me so in Roman's 8:28 "For we know that all things work together for the good of those that love God and are called according to His purpose"
Wow Lord, you amaze me!
And Lord...could you give me the little brick house?