This morning.

This morning I had my to do list timed down to the minute for waking up at 0700 and being done and ready to go by 0830. I decided, last minute, last night to set my alarm for 0600 instead of 0700. That way I could hit the snooze twice and then get up and 44 minutes ahead on my to do list. So I did! It was nice. I wasn't so bound by the clock that if someone talked to me it threw me off. Usually thats how it is. I plan my list as if no one else is around so if someone else is in the bathroom or needs to talk to me or say "hello" I am completely undone. I live by my to-do list. I know I said I was going to start to not do that, but oh well.

My list when I get home today is pretty short too! I finished some of the after work bullets before work, I feel ahead.

Today is looking as if it will be a good day :)

Ok scratch that someone just interrupted my to do list this morning but I will have to get over it.

If my days were untroubled and my heart always light,
would I seek that fair land where there is no night? 

If I never grew weary with the weigh of my load, 
would I search for God's peace at the end of the road? 

If I never knew sickness and never felt pain, 
would I search for a hand to help and sustain? 

If I walked without sorrow and lived without loss, 
would my soul seek solace at the foot of the cross? 

If all I desired was mine day by day, 
would I kneel before God and earnestly pray? 

If God sent no winter to freeze me with fear, 
would I yearn for the warmth of spring every year? 

I ask myself these and the answer is plain, 
if my life were pleasure and I never knew pain-

I'd seek God less often and need Him much less, 
for God is sought more often in times of distress. 

And no one knows God or sees Him as plain-
as those who have met Him on the "Pathway of Pain." 

~Author Unknown

GOD IS ALWAYS AVAILABLE

I admit that there are times
That I am tempted to despair.
Then God speaks in all His mercy
To let me know He's there.

He took care of yesterday for me.
Tomorrow is in His care.
Today He will walk beside me
In answer to my prayer. 

He brings constant joy and comfort
To ease my concerns away.
I could not go on without Him
To be my companion through each day. 

I would just like to remind you
To lean hard upon His breast.
Release each trial to Him.
Wait for Him to do the rest. 

Evelyn D. Putnam

Cooking day.

Cooking day at the Delk's house! Kris makes a meal for everyday for an entire MONTH ahead of time! That way life is less stressful and food is easier to come by. Less shopping days, more convenience, but one freakishly long day of cooking. So I went over today to learn a few tricks of the trade. The "trick" I learned (mind you that is singular) was how to cut chicken. I did I think 8 whole chickens. You cut the wings, legs, thighs, breasts, and all that jazz off and its gross. And it takes a flippen long time too!  But I soldiered through it and made the entire 6 meal servings of Chicken Marinade all by me onesie.

Kris made chicken nuggets, they were super good too. 

And Penny changed the light bulb to illuminate our cooking! Haha, good pun huh? 

Joshua kept wanting hugs from Kris, it was too cute. 

But he is the cutest little thing anyways, look at these faces!

So here is me doing my chicken cutting. I think it did it for a couple hours, I feel very knowledgeable now. As I was starting I said "Kris teach me how to do this! This is the practical application of Titus 2:4!!"

We work on the spiritual application all the time, but this is the gritty, gruesome stuff. 

Ok, making chicken nuggets isn't quite so fun and happy as it may sound. I think "Chicken nuggets? Piece a cake."

But that yellow gooey stuff? Raw eggs. The chunky stuff? Raw chicken. Wow, not a good combo although I did note that it was kind of like the chicken came full circle. 

We went through all of these bottles by 9am!

Kris trying to pick out an easy menu item for me to start with. 

She's a pro at this, but really look at that kitchen. I would live in that kitchen if I could! Lucky duck. 

The counter top. Not much work space left eh?

Time that goes slower.

Today has been one of those days where the time has felt to drag longer than it should. A minute is stretched well to its breaking point, an hour seems like 2. Maybe it is because I woke up late (1130, recovering from getting home at 3am from work, although Kris knows what I was actually doing at Fairview at 0230...) but whatever it was today was not only long but rough!

Its not a very cheery place to be in my home anymore.  Mum and dad are still waiting for word from the Canadian government on their visa's and until then my dad can't work! Why is government so slow? Seriously what do they need to look into to grant a visa? They are waiting to leave at what feels like a moments notice, I am waiting to move out as soon as the house sells. I spent the day (mostly) packing up things like my linens and winter clothes. I also got rid of three bags of clothes and one bag of shoes. My closet still does not look dented, I have way to much. I need to keep downsizing thats for sure. In the last six months I have emptied seven garage bags full of clothes from my closet and dresser and still I come up with more I don't need!

After packing for a long while I felt ill and so I laid down and slept for two hours, woke up to have dinner, went out to ice cream with mum and dad and now here I am. I just finished making some orange rolls that I got off of my favorite blog: http://www.yourhomebasedmom.com/ to bring over to Kris's house tomorrow. We go for a walk, have coffee and breakfast, pray, and read the word. Its definitely one of my favorite things to do now. Its like a retreat away from the reality that is my everyday life: work, being unsure about my future, trying to scratch times out of crazy business to actually have a relationship with Michael (he is far too busy), dealing with my parents getting ready to leave. 

On the plus side, I have been experiencing a better relationship with the Lord lately. Its been refreshing. Its like I have to get to the point where I say "God this is to much for me!" and He gives me more of His love. Kris and I found a bunch more believers at work to pray with, Michael and I are a little more sure of the direction we should be going in, I have been sent new friends and those are all things I have been praying for. God is good, which is refreshing. 

I feel like I'm not making sense, but oh well. I couldn't count the amount of times I have used the backspace key in this blog, it has been far too many. I think my fingers are having a little rebellion from listening to my brain.

Confused? Read on. 

I will leave you with another quote from Elizabeth Elliot who is bound to make more sense than me!

If my life is surrendered to God, all is well. Let me not grab it back, as though it were in peril in His hand but would be safer in mine! 

Elisabeth Elliot 

Hmmm...

I feel weird! I don't know if I just have a headache or what but my vision is kind of blurry and I kind of lose my sense of self in space. This happens ever so often and I always wonder what's up. I don't know, its just weird.

Anyways.

I have one more fashion show thingy to get through before I am done modeling FOREVER! Never again. And no, I will not post ANY pictures. 

I'll leave you with a quote from an amazing woman:

If we do anything to further the kingdom of God, we may expect to find what Christ found on that road - abuse, indifference, injustice, misunderstanding, trouble of some kind. Take it. Why not? To that you were called. In Latin America someone who feels sorry for himself is said to look like a donkey in a downpour. If we think of the glorious fact that we are on the same path with Jesus, we might see a rainbow. 

Elisabeth Elliot 

Another day in the kitchen.

So I worked last night at the hospital, it was a pretty slow night in the ER so thats good. I made some cinnamon rolls to have as a early morning (I mean like 2am here people) snack. So, I decided to make this week a cinnamon themed snack week. Today it is cinnamon swirl muffins!

I also did some fun leather work this morning, ok so it wasn't morning but it was to me since my day is shifted about 6 hours different than yours. I wake up at 12:00 when everyone is having lunch and call it morning. Evening shifts are not so fun because your not all the way shifted over as on a night shift where you sleep all day work all night, its like half and half. Anyways that is totally beside the point of what I am trying to get at. I woke up, prayed, checked my email, read my bible, made some food, worked on leather crafts while watching "The Man from Snowy River", then I made cinnamon muffins and now I am off to put on m scrubs!

I daresay I have gotten a lot accomplished for such a day. Usually I am lethargic at this point in my weekend of evenings, although this is nice because I am only working 3 in a row and not 5 like I usually do (Thursday through Monday).

Anyways, if you really read all of this and are not bored yet, I'm sorry. You should find a hobby. 

Trees.

Today I was sitting in the backyard doing my bible study and what do you know, my mind started to drift. You see I looked up and saw the maple tree in our backyard and I was captivated. It's so perfect, so simple. It started as a seed, something so little and yet it grew to be way up there! How clever is our God! He can make something start so small and it grows to be perfect. Tall, weather resistant, self sustaining. I looked then at our house. I was struck again! The contrast between what men make and what God makes!

A tree starts as a small seed and grows and grows until it is a beautiful cathedral with spires reaching into the sky. The birds make their houses there, we people find shade there. We use them to build our own houses which are sorry replicas of the beautiful structures the Lord causes to grow naturally. A tree gets stronger with time, thicker and taller. A house gets weaker. A tree is truly a marvelous thing! 

Even the beautiful houses have nothing on the beautiful hall of flowered trees. 

It seems that all we humankind do is make things to mimic what the Lord has made. We make cars with "horsepower" we make jets to fly like the eagle was born knowing how to do. We make scuba suits to swim like a fish and light bulbs when God makes BUGS that can light up on their own! WOW!

I also noticed a little red cardinal with his lady love. They were sitting in the birch tree and having a conversation. He landed first and it was as if he was trying to convince her that this was the tree, their own prime real estate. She must have been less than convinced however because the chattering went on for quite some time before they flew away to the next tree. He seemed a little out of sorts, a little "flighty". Possibly he has a wife to please that won't be pleased? 

And yes, it is fun in here. The mind is a vast playground for me :)

Barefoot.

Running, barefoot. Smelling fresh air and food on the grill. 

Wishing! 

Hoping these days can last. Knowing they cannot always be...

Soon.

People will be gone, days will grow cold again. Until then I will pretend I can live in this forever.

Celtic music playing loudly in the house, windows open, fresh salad and corn on the cob. Mom and dad randomly teasing me and poking fun just because we can and because we are alive. Where is Beth? Where is Daniel? Its so full and yet so empty. 

I sit here and wish for those days...digging potatoes then cooking them for dinner. Helping pin clothes on the line in the back yard. Now its a phone call, a text message. 

Return! Someday we will...

A little surprise...

So today I found out I didn't have to be at work when I thought I did and so I made some fun food! Elisabeth you may want to stop reading if you are still having those preggo cravings... 

So I made up my own recipe for some peanut butter crunch things. I don't know what else to call them but they are good! And I also made some chocolate dipped peanut butter balls and peanut butter cups.

 

And I wore my apron! And it got dirty, nice to know its functional!

Horse Therapy.

I have been enjoying going riding again. Kris's sister, Laura, is my age and after this discovery we also discovered that we both love horses and hence, horse therapy. We rode Friday, we rode today. I even got to use my own saddle that I haven't used in years (just fyi as I was typing saddle I was thinking "salad" and almost misspelled it, I even said salad in my head instead of saddle)

Let me tell you, it is great to be on a horse again. I don't have the same confidence I used to have but I expect it will return. We rode over to Kris's house to deliver some coffee and then when I got down to untie the coffee from my saddle, Kris jumped on the horse I was riding and her and Laura went and left me at the house! It was funny. I went inside and made myself comfortable, had a cup of coffee, talked to the kids about Joshua (the youngest one who is 2) who is having a little problem with peeing on the floor and not in the toilet, at the end of this conversation Kris and Laura came back up the hill so I ran to get my shoes. I took Laura's horse this time and left her at the house! Kris and I rode a little down the road, decided it was to cold and windy and went back to the house. Such a simple thing as riding a horse but it makes my day better. So much better! And Kris and Laura are really good with the horses, not gonna lie, I'm a bit jealous. Oh well, Kris throws like a girl and I don't. So she can be good at horses. (haha I know your reading this and smiling and shaking your head at the computer...)

:)

I am so amazed by this world God has made, so complex, so beautiful. He gives us passions and desires, He gives us fulfillment. Even when I am in the darkest of times I remember that He has made all this and said "it is GOOD!" and I look around and say "Wow God! Your awesome!" Going through the cave yesterday (we went to Crystal Cave) Kris and I were marveling at the rocks and at the fact that people would attribute those to random chance development. Matthew and I were scoffing at the fact that people could believe in a world millions of years old, about 6 thousand makes a lot more sense. 

God is so creative, I love it. He has made things that just hold my fascination like...oh its just so amazing! Like flowers! Bumblebee's! How He made horses smell a certain way and when I smell that I feel better. He made us women to complement men so wonderfully, He made men to so complete us women! How wonderful. What a Great God we serve!

Words.

Because my blog is open to the public I really can't say whats on my heart. Most of you who need to know already know, but I feel...oh wow I don't know its just hard. So keep praying :)

What does it mean?

What does it mean to be surrendered? 

Does it mind blindly following? Does it mean unquestioning? Does it mean actions or heart?

I work on these questions daily. I believe my following the Lord should be a blind submission (though it does not need to be, He has given us all we need to know in the bible) I take Him at His word without Him needing to prove anything to me. 

Well, in theory at least.  I have Romans 8:28 that tells me I don't have to worry because all things are going to work together for good because I love the Lord (because He first loved me). So why is it hard to trust when I KNOW it will all work together for good? Why do I even doubt that a certain thing will be provided in need, that the money will be there, and so on and so forth. Why? I don't rightly know. I just know I do doubt. I say with my mouth that I do not doubt, that I believe His words to be truth but do I really allow myself to find rest in that?

Psalm 37:7 says "Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him" Rest. Wait. Patience.  All things that come easily? I think no. But lets take them word for word shall we? 

What does rest mean? Does it mean that I need to be frantic? Does it mean that I need to do what I can to cover my bases in case the Lord doesn't handle it? Does it mean I need to get on Michael's case because he is not working fast enough and not accomplishing what I want him too? I think NOT! I think rest looks more like sit. Have a cup of coffee (hypothetically speaking) and take a few deep breaths. Resting is not complaining. Think of it as laying your head on the Lord's chest and just listening to breathe. Feeling warmth and having the comfort of know you are His. Not resigning to that fact, GLORYING in that fact! You can do no more about most situations than you can stop the tide. So why try? Will worrying can add a single hour to his life (Matthew 6:27)? Yes, prepare your horse for battle but remember that deliverance comes from the Lord. (Provers 21:31)

So beyond preparing our horse for battle we find what? 

Waiting for the battle. It will come, you really don't have to look for it. We know that the Lord looks to show Himself strong to those whose hearts are perfect towards Him. (2 Chronicles 16:9) He will deliver and He will be there. However...it may not  be in our timeframe. It may be far from our timeframe. In our finite and feeble wisdom how can we expect to know enough to design our own paths? To direct our own steps? Waiting patiently for the Lord looks to me like not despairing to those around you. Not spewing venom on anyone who is ready to hear about how you are waiting on the Lord to provide but you aren't really relaxed (or joyful...)because you are nervous. 

Oh our nerves...women, they rob us of a lot of joy. I have a big problem with being so nervous about where Michael and I are going to live and how we are going to be provided for that all it takes is one person asking and BLAHHH I spill it all out on them. Not everyone needs to know what going on. I also am having this issue because I am dealing with something else that is really hard for me but Michael has asked me to stick it out and so I am trying too. However...I am having a really hard time with it. When people notice my hard time I do the whole "blah" thing and give them a bunch of irrelevant information that shows how discontent I am. I give them wrong impressions and an overall bad feeling when what I should do is ACT on the fact that the JOY of the Lord is my strength. That doesn't mean its going to be easy for me but why should I let everyone else know that? Its something between me and the Lord and not something I need to broadcast on my face or by my actions. How can I be glorifying the Lord when I am being so self centered?Its all ME ME ME, I want, I need, I'm nervous, can't you do something about it NOW...which leads me to being...

Patient.

Oh, I have a hard time with that word. Patience. I was raised in the age of convenience. I get bored waiting for my food to heat up in the microwave, sometimes I don't bake because it takes to dang long, I use my debit card because its faster than cash, I flip a lid when I'm driving behind someone who goes...gasp...the speed limit. So impatient! Whats the hurry though?

Don't you think God will give me all the time I need daily? Weekly, monthly, and yearly? He knows the time and place for everything and I should be able to view waiting on Him as a blessing. Its like anticipating a present that I don't know when is coming but I know when it comes it will be all I wanted and more! Like I am waiting for Michael and I to find somewhere to live. I am pursuing what I can yes but I really am content to know that the Lord has something ready for us. He has a plan, it may not be mine but it is a plan! I am trying to learn to view slowing down as a good thing. It is a good thing. Rest in the Lord!

So that is my spiel for the day. I feel better now, although I see I have a lot to work on. I have had a lot of little victories in the last few days that have really blessed me because I can see the Lord working in my heart. I can feel this closeness with the Lord and with Michael and I am, for the moment, content. 

...and trying to stay that way.

Thank You Jesus :)

Another day another funny story from the kitchen.

So once again I made Mr.Michael bake/cook with me. I was making a chocolate chip cookie cake for the boys and I asked him to get out the mixer. He set the mixer on the counter and held the whisk in his hand and then looked at me rather confusedly and said "Is this the...bit...you want?"

It was hilarious! Everything in the kitchen seems to be related to something from the woodshop. And the best part is that he was completely serious!

So anyways I made that chocolate chip cookie cake and had a frosting and fudge topping. Today I also made some maple cinnamon scones! Nummy.

Engagement Pictures.

More to come soon :)

Farm days.

So today I went to the Delk's house and "helped" (ok so it was more like enjoyed the heck out of being on a hobby farm again) get 100 little meat chicks settled in. We got in the big ol farm truck and rolled into cannon falls to pick up the little buggers and they road cheeping loudly the whole way back. Josh slept in the middle seat and Hannah talked about anything on her mind, Kris and I listened to some christian country songs and then that song "Watching You" by Rodney Atkins which is an amazing song...

Anyways. All this being said I really miss being in the country! I miss the smell, I miss the ability to walk around barefoot and worry about getting more than mud on your feet, I miss the sound and smell of a truck that is used for me than getting a person from point A to point B. 

I need to remind myself that this is where the Lord has me! So instead of despair I just had a ball! It was way fun. It is nice because now a farm is a vacation not an everyday work. Like I was telling Kris today about gardening, its fun when you don't HAVE to do it. As a child weeding as a necessity was comparable to slave labor. 

Here are some pictures from the day, twas fun :)

And here is that Rodney Atkins song:

You Won't Relent

You won't relent
Until You have it all
My heart is Yours

I'll set You as a seal upon my heart
As a seal upon my arm
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy demanding as the grave
And many waters cannot quench this love

Come be the fire inside of me
Come be the flame upon my heart
Come be the fire inside of me
Until You and I are one

By Misty Edwards

This song moves me, you have to hear it. 

Some thoughts :)

Well today made me think that regardless of what everyone else thinks, churches, leaders, and the like I need to search the word and find what doctrine I believe. I mean I can say "my doctrine is the bible" but then when I am presented with certain issues will I be able to back them up with my "doctrine"?
Ok. Well here is what I believe.

ALL Scripture is God breathed and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work (2 Tim. 3.16-17).

Things I find indisputable because they are mention in the Gospels, reiterated in the book of Acts, and in the epistles:
-Prayer
-Fasting
-Husbands love your wives, Wives respect your husbands
-Giving
-Jesus' death and resurrection
-Relying on the power of the Holy Spirit
-Men being elders (The disciples were all men, in the book of acts all the church leaders all men, in Timothy, Titus, all talks about elders being men. It is maybe a little more loose than some would like, look at Priscilla and Lydia. If no man rises to the occasion God will use a woman to do so not because she is any less of a being than a man, not because she is a "Second choice" but simply because that is the way He has made it. Why do we have to understand why He made it that way in His infinite wisdom?)
-Marriage (one man, one woman)
-Communion

-The teaching of the word



1.) Jesus is the ultimate. There is no other way to heaven.

John 14:6 Jesus said unto him "I am the way, the truth, and the life, no man comes to the Father but through me"

And also Acts 4:12 "Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved."

Timothy 3:14-15 But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, 15and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

1 John 5:121 He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.


2.) Fasting: Matthew 6:16-18 6 "When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 17But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Fasting is not a requirement but it is a blessing that people often miss out on. It is something that can draw one closer to the Lord and be really powerful. It is done corporately also but is not necessary as a church, however if a church is not doing this they are really missing out!


3.) Prophesy 1 Corinthians 14:32 The spirits of prophets are subject to the control of prophets. 33For God is not a God of disorder but of peace.

A prophesy is not going to just blurt out of no where, it can be contained. It is not meant to disrupt or disorder.


4.) Tongues- two different types of tongues.
a. Almost like the native language of the Holy Spirit-spiritual tongues. Not necessary to be filled with the Holy Spirit! It is a specific outpouring of being filled but not the litmus test of IF you are or not. Men in the old testament were "filled with the Holy Spirit to craft beautiful things" (Nehemiah)

1 Corinthians 12:27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. 28 And in the church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others, those with gifts of administration, and those speaking in different kinds of tongues. 29 Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? 30 Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret?

NOT everyone will speak in tongues. Its written plain for all to see! Blessed are the people who do!

1 Corinthians 14:5 I would like every one of you to speak in tongues, but I would rather have you prophesy. He who prophesies is greater than one who speaks in tongues, unless he interprets, so that the church may be edified.

b. Second type in the book of Acts 2 where they spoke a different language they had never learned.


5.) On allowing false teaching...
Jude 3-4: “Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints”
2 Peter 2:1-2: “But there were also false prophets among the people, even as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Lord who bought them, and bring on themselves swift destruction. And many will follow their destructive ways, because of whom the way of truth will be blasphemed.”

It is important to do the 2 Timothy 2:15 "Study to show yourself approved to God, a workman that needs not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth" so that you rightly divide between what is good doctrine and what is bad, what is zeal for the Lord and what is misguided and disrupting 'charismania'. Don't take everything the pastor takes as 100%, back it up with scripture. A good pastor will appreciate you trying to keep them on track and really know what they preach.
1 Cor 1:10, Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.

Philippians 2:1-4, Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, 2fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. 3Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

That being said, we cannot hide behind unity to allow false doctrine to ship wreck people. We want to get a long but in the long run.. 

6.) On living for the Lord:
It should not be a morning devotion and sunday, midweek thing. It is an everyday all day thing.
1 Peter 3:15: “But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you”

How can we always be ready to give a reason for the hope that is in us if we aren't living it? If we don't know it? We need the daily devotion time, the days at church, the time in prayer. Those need to overflow into a lifestyle of praise unto the Lord.

“By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.” (Hebrews 13:15)
Continually, that is the operative part of this verse it seems. 

Also- As I have said before, nothing is more precious to us then what we believe. We will guard it with all we have. Even though we may be wrong, to our selves we look right. That is why Paul had to repeatedly encourage the churches above.

MORE TO COME but really, I can't stay awake any longer. I need to take a nap.
I am tired and a little distressed...

Judah I expect come comments on this!

A resignation of sorts.

The glory of the Lord!

To resign my flesh would be a glorious resignation.

My innermost desire is to praise Your name,

To praise Your name above all else.

My Lord's heart is pure.

His desire is for my heart. My desire is for His,

To know how to bring Him the joy He has brought me.

Faithfulness,

Love,

Single-mindedness.

To rise in the morning and seek Your face.

To pursue You, to honor You,

You are my King, Jesus!

My desire is to honor You!

You forgave my sins, You redeemed me out of death,

You satisfy my desire, I am fulfilled.

Compassion embodies You, grace.

You are slow to anger and I am not!

You abound in love when I give over bitterness!

How great is Your love for those who fear You name,

Oh to reverence Your name as I should.

For I know my days are numbered, my days are feeble. 

But You oh Lord are everlasting! 

Your see from beginning to end and Your wisdom is infinite!

Oh Praise the Lord! 

Extravagance.

Precious! Yes, I know.

Too costly to be wasted?

No! It's here I disagree.

Who else deserves the wealth of this poor heart?

The price denying other pleasures Certainly.

But what is wealth if stored up and not spent?

Extravagant! Some may say it should have been spent on the poor.

I could have spent it there for sure,

But my warmed heart is captured

By the One who gave His life to make me His.

Can I not give Him mine without reproof?

Fragrant! Let it be!

O, may this sweetness wafting through the air 

Awaken sense of many who will linger

Long enough to taste and see and know that this is not a waste.

But simply love poured out and spent.

There is no other One on whom to lavish all affection.

You ask me why I love in this abandon way?

I cannot truly say.

Except I know my heart has been awakened. 

The Loves comes to His own

And I am His, and I am known.

I will pour out and I will spend all that I have

To live in His embrace

Forever loved and giving love,

Fragrant

Extravagant

and Precious!

-Ruth Fazel

"Coming Up From the Wilderness"

Communion.

Today at church we took communion, probably along with every other church in America that believes Jesus rose from the dead on Easter. I am always confused while taking communion, I dreadfully desire to honor that which the Lord told us to do, He said take communion and do it in remembrance of Him so that is what I do.

But I am not sure I understand it. I was holding the cracker today and thinking "What is it I am supposed to be thinking and feeling right now?" So I went through a list of things I am so thankful for, redemption, grace, unmerited favor, and that is what I meditated on. Is there something else that I am missing? I just don't understand I suppose. I want to!
So here goes, I am going to do a little bible study on communion. Don't make a doctrine out of this (although I know you weren't thinking that...)

1 corinthians 11:23-11:26

23 For I received from the Lord what I also handed on to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took a loaf of bread ,24 and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, ‘This is my body that is broken for you. Do this in remembrance of me.’ 25In the same way he took the cup also, after supper, saying, ‘This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.’ 26For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.

So I see from this verse that I do communion to honor the charge given. Simply: do this in remembrance. It doesn't have to be a spectacle as some make it, your first communion should be when you first decide to be faithful to the charge given here. There is nothing mystical or "wooooo" about it, its a symbol of given to us tangible beings of a work in the heart.

I think the Lord endeavored to give us many tangible things in order for us to have a deeper relationship with Him. Husbands and wives, think of this. We are physical beings. We enjoy that which can be felt and not just believed. I read in a book about marraige how one wife felt very unloved because her husband hadn't told her he loved her in 40 years. She told him how she felt and he said "Honey I told you at our wedding that I love you, if anything changes, I'll let you know" Is that how you treat the Lord sometimes? I know its true of me sometimes. I may remember Him when something is going wrong or I need help, some catalyst brings to remembrance the fact that He is always there. Its as if I say "I don't need you right now, if anything changes I'll let you know" I think communion is partially instituted by God because it gives us that time to sit back, hold something in our hands, taste it with our mouth, and remember that He loves us enough to have sacrificed for us. An equivocal love.

JOHN 15:5 "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing."

Communion is also a healthy reminder of this verse. I would reccomend memorizing this verse and when you take communion, recite it in your head. Thats what I am going to do. It speaks so eloquently on the fact that God is our everything! Him being the vine and us being the branches means that we cannot be without Him. He is our source of life, nourishment, strength, everything.

And also: MAT 26:28 "For this is My blood of the new covenant, which is shed for many for the remission of sins."

Jesus took away my sin. This still amazes me. Everytime I hear my most favorite song, Amazing Grace, I cry. I am a wretch until covered with the blood of Christ. I was so lost until Jesus brought me into Him. I was blind until He gave me sight. That is why I take communion.

So to end it here are the words of that song:

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

A story.

Easter Dinner:

"Do you need any help mom" my sister and asked at the same time as we watched my mom carry a dish downstairs to do the dining room. She laughed and looked at us "you two could get the drinks for everyone" I looked at Beth and said "well since you offered, you can do it" she smiled and we both got up to get everyone a beverage. Unfortunately we still forgot a drink for a guest and mom ended up getting it in the end. 

As we sat around the table I felt like a little kid again, just like our big nightly meals on the farm. "You know why this food is so good?" I asked everyone "because its 'mom' food, we grew up on mom food made only the way our mom can make it and now we are all having authentic 'mom' food!" My mom smiled and Beth and Daniel laughed, its true. My mom makes her food a certain way and it cannot be duplicated even by an identical recipe. Its the 'mom' factor that makes it 'mom' food.

Somehow somebody said something about pants and Daniel and I looked at one other and started at the same time to sing in a mock grunge scream "these are not...my pants. Whose pants...are these anyways" Its kind of an inside joke that we found simply hilarious and could not stop laughing, oh the days when every meal was so full of laughter. 

The afternoon went on with much of the same, Daniel cracking jokes and everyone dying of laughter, stuffing ourselves on my mom's food and my sister's cake. I know they can't go on forever and so I am thankful for the days when we can get together and create new memories and new traditions with plenty of new laughs. I am ever thankful I have the pleasant childhood memories to remember but also thankful my days are not the same anymore. I took them for granted in the moment and now I treasure of recreation. I think the scarcity has made it all the more precious! While my parents are in Canada I may end up spending some important days with other people, some holidays with Michael's family, and some trips to the Canadian beyond. Overall, the future is bright. Full of love, what more could we want?

Hmm...

I wish I had some groundbreaking revelation to share with you guys, but I don't.

A thought is such a random thing...

At least a thought for me is a random thing. I must have very random thoughts because when I share them most people have the same confused look on their face. You know maybe I am just too used to the fact that I am random. I have to go for a minute...my coffee is cold and simply put how can one think whilst drinking cold coffee?

(short pause)

Alright. My coffee has been reheated.

So my new project at work is this: see my patients as the Lord sees them, beautiful and precious. 

It is a lot harder than it seems. I heard the name of a frequent flyer being put in a room and I sighed and rolled my eyes and muttered the name under my breath. Why did I do that? Who knows. I hope the others around me didn't hear because what I should be doing is not despairing. Instead of seeing someone with a complaining personality and sickly disposition (or not sickly...just...yeah...) I should be seeing the fact that this person beloved of God. The God whom I claim to serve. He looks at this person the same way He looks at me: beloved. 

Then I started to get jealous. How is it God can share all of this love? I was thinking, I want Him to have the highest love for me! I want to be special somehow! Oh silly little brain of mine! As soon as that thought came to me it left with a sigh. Just because I may look a little shinier on the outside that some of the people I pass on the street doesn't mean I am anything special. I am just another sinner saved by grace. The people who are shinier than me don't deserve anything special either, we are vomitous carnal fleshbags that the Lord in His glorious mercy decided to redeem for the sake of love. Of unequal love! 

He doesn't love me because I love Him, He just plain loves me! Whether I am sinning or trying to save a chipmunk He loves me because I am precious to Him. Oh how amazing! Seriously, my face just flushed thinking about it. Its just sooo...awesome. 

Today in my date with the Lord I was reading in James. James spoke of how when we are led away by our own desires we sin. This made me think: how can I make my desires the Lord and the Lord only? Then when I am led by my desire it will be a glorious thing because my desire is righteous! So can I pray that I desire to desire the Lord? Say "Lord I want to only want You, can you help me want that?!"

I think it may be the time of night but this is all sounding revolutionary to me! 

So my goals:

-Look at people and see them as the Lord does: precious children.

-Desire to desire more of the Lord. 

-Stop drinking coffee at midnight.

Thats all for now folks :)

Sewing!

I made an apron! It is so cute! I will post pictures pretty soon, it was so much fun to design it and make it all by me onesie. I was inspired by two different friends who made their own aprons, one made a really cute old fashion one that I sort of modeled mine after, one made a more modern one that is up to the wear and tear of hard work! I went somewhere in the middle...just you wait and see :)