This week has not been easy, and keep in mind its only Tuesday.
First of all, I got sick on Saturday night. The big bang hit me Sunday and I was laid up in bed all day without relief from a horrible headache, throatache, body chills, fever, nausea, pretty much all the good stuff. I was hoping it would be over by the next morning but after a very restless night I awoke to only more pain (at 4 in the morning). I went to the express clinic in the afternoon where the only told me I don't have strep and thats its a virus I need to wait out. I am still in bed, still feeling pretty horrible, I have sores on my throat and can't breathe through my nose. Mazel tov.
Along with being sick I am dealing with the fact that my parents are leaving and that I will no longer have a "home" to bring friends to on the weekends, no place for bonfires or to eat pancakes with the family, no where to sit on the roof with my brother or to have family meeting in the living room. Its just sad. It hit me today. In between feeling like I was going to die I tried to help pack up stuff. My dad had me put books in boxes, movies, lamps, that kind of stuff. That was all fine but then my mom asked me to take down pictures from the walls. I walked around and took down pictures that haven't left our walls since we moved in here, things that made our house our house. It was...sad. I sat down on the couch and starting crying. My mom came in the room and gave me a hug and asked why I was crying and I sat there blubbering not making any sense but somehow managing out the words "its like taking away our house, I can stand movies and books but not pictures." She did the mom thing and just let me cry for a minute then told me it would be ok and that she didn't have time for a breakdown today. I laughed and said I would have one everyday for her.
Its just hard. I think back to things...like a mistake at work or a fight with a friend. A paycheck I forgot to tithe on...its all been running through my head non stop these last few days. It stinks. Its like the world is coming to a head...in my head...however that works.
And I don't deal with everything well. I'm too emotional for emotional stuff. And I'm sick so my brains not working to well. (Hey Beth is this what a pregnant brain feels like?) I know that the Lord is doing what is good and I am fully prepared to embrace that with joy. I do believe Romans 8:28, its just harder to live it than some people think.
"The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord"