Taking a break.

I just finished the first out of two chapters of homework that are due tomorrow, so I figured I would blog a little. First of all, I realized that my blogs have been awful lately! I used to write so much and with fervor, now I am to busy to put any thought into it. 

So, this is going to be a good one. Its about time!

Some of the revelations I have been having lately...

1.) Some friends and I were out at Bee's the other night and we were talking about air soft. Then we started talking about a friend we don't like to play with anymore because he cheats, than it went on to badmouthing him. I knew from the first foul comment on him that I should say something about it and get everyone to stop talking bad about him, but I said nothing. In fact I contributed to the conversation. 

Needless to say, I felt pretty crappy about that. I went home and as I was doing my night time devotions I read this in 1 John 3:11 "For this reason He came into the world, that you might love one another". I was like "dang". 

I slandered the reason my Lord came into the world by not loving my brother, not just anybody but a brother in the Lord! I should love everyone, but especially my co-laborers. 

Well I repented, and then I sent out texts to everyone I had been hanging out with apologizing for my cowardice in not speaking up and sharing that verse with them.  I know that more than a few of them were as convicted as I was. Thank the Lord for pointing out sin in my life, and giving me the heart to want to change it. On my own it wouldn't matter, but because He instilled it in me I can change. 

2.) I realize how bitterness is like a disease that spreads if you let it fester. It only grows and amplifies and then will come spewing out on whomever happens to be around. It is so disgusting. I have seen it in myself, but mainly right now I can see it in others. I'm not pointing fingers mind you or saying that they need to get over it because I have been there and know how powerful bitterness can be. Its hard to let go of what you want to hold on to so bad. I mean if the bitterness leaves than you will have to love the person you once hated. 

I remember when I was little I hated Daniel. I love him now, he is an awesome brother, but when we were young we butted heads. I was so bitter towards him because I thought my parents loved him more, he had more stuff, he was a boy and could do what he wanted, him and my sister were better friends than me and my sister, and so on. He would also get me in trouble by doing something bad and then blaming it on me, and because I was a pretty naughty child to begin with my mom would just assume it was me. He would stand behind her and make faces at me as I would get lectured. So he did call for it, but no one deserves hatred. It drove me batty! 

I would dwell on it until one day I think I either pushed him or hit him or something violent like that, and the poor kid got really hurt. He sat down and cried. He didn't run and tell mom, he didn't fake it, he was hurt. And I caused it. At that moment my bitterness melted away because all of the retribution I sought was not worth seeing someone else in pain, and me at the cause of it. Haha...it brings tears to me eyes just to remember it. 

If I had let it roll, no matter how big or small, that never would have happened. Granted, he is better with no scars or damages from it. But I let my anger drive me to hurt someone, and to hate someone. Both things that the Lord looks down on. I can't imagine, or at least I try not to because it just hurts, the thought of the Lord looking down on me and just being ashamed at my actions. To look at me and say "Melody, my Son died for you so that you could do THAT?". I guess it makes me think a lot about what I should do...love.

Jesus had it rough, people hated him. When everything was taken from him, when his dignity was gone, his pain immense, and the people he loved betrayed him, he still loved them.

David prayed for his enemies. He has a number of psalms that speak of tearing down the wicked and killing them and stuff, but that is when he was being a hot head. There are other psalms where he is praying for his enemies, where he asks God why? Where he wonders without hating. The Lord constantly seems to look down on hate, even if it is an enemy. In the book of Isaiah it says that the Lord doesn't take joy in the death of the wicked. Wow! So you mean even though there is one less evil person on the world...God doesn't take joy in that? NO because it is one that He loves going into eternal suffering because of their own foolish decision. 

So why not let it go? Chances are, if your bitter towards someone, they probably need the Lord or you do. There should definitely be a revaluation of your priorities: is it loving someone into the kingdom or holding on to hatred?

3.) I need to learn how to have a better quiet time. I have been getting up in the morning and reading my bible out on the patio while listening to the birds and feeling the sun shine but I get so distracted! I think about the assignments I have due, about the things on my list to get done, about everything possible. Ad then I realize I read a whole chapter without even knowing it. 

I keep reminding myself not to lose focus. The ultimate goal of my life is to be a follower of Jesus, not successful, not a nurse, and not to have my degree. I am a servant, and that is my ultimate calling. I lose focus a lot, and then life gets to me because I feel like I am not doing enough. So I would encourage you, dear reader, to slow down and remember what the purpose of your life is. 

4.) I get so anxious. I need to stop. I need to remember that focus, and let it go. 

So basically thats it! Thats what's going on, and its all good. God is good and when I stop and think how God it takes my breath away! I was outside last night with a blanket laying out looking at the stars and realizing how small I am, and how big of a God I serve. How awesome if He! Take a minute and look at the sky, He made that with his breath. I like to let it engulf me and feel how small I am, a speck in the universe He made and yet He knows, cares for, and loves me. ME! How awesome is that?

Praise the Lord!