Evelyn Lael

Ok here is the info everyone needs to know...

So here's the deal, I'll let you all know (within an hour) of my Dr's appointment what went down. I'm being induced thursday. My body that looked so ready at 37 weeks to deliver a baby right on time has not budged since that point. (WARNING: for male readers, if words like cervix and catheter freak you out just stop reading now.)

So, on thursday my Dr will be inserting a Foley bulb (its a catheter bulb that you can inflate with saline) to help stretch the cervix and hopefully dilate me to 4cm within 6 hours. If it doesn't, then they will use prostaglandin gel and or break my water. If that doesn't work, I will get pitocin. My doctor warned me that this artificial process is A LOT more painful than the natural process, but she is trying to take as many natural steps as possible to make my body take over on its own. The foley bulb, breaking the water, and hopefully my body will do the rest. If not however, she said I should think about getting an epidural. She said its like trying to break through a brick wall getting a baby to come through a body that just isn't naturally ready for labor on its own, and she said the contractions are much stronger with the medications that bump start labor.

This just sucks. I wanted so badly to be natural. My birth plan is basically out the window. My body won't cooperate. Today I am no more ready to deliver than I was a month ago. So I am considering my options. I know I will feel like such a wuss who can't take what women since the beginning of time have if I get an epidural. But she said that sometimes it can be a lot more stressful on the baby NOT to have pain control during an induction.

So here I am. I would rather no one call me. I would rather not be heard from ever again, I'll just sit here and make another pot of coffee and pretend like things are ok. But really? This is the hardest thing EVER. I wanted my baby to come naturally and I wanted to be queen of the natural labor process. Apparently the Lord has other plans.

So here I wait and sit in a depressed state until thursday at 6am.

Help me.

I listened to a women's conference given by Bianca Juarez on the seven dadly sins. Wow...conviction on everyone. Who would have thought? Me I suppose. Its easy to think I wouldn't have a stumbling block at each and every one, but I gave myself to much credit. After spending hours and hours this week listening to the studies I am so convicted, and after I look at my sin, know my sin, and face it? Wow. So here is my Psalm. I won't confess my specific sins to you all on blogger, that probably wouldn't edify but make you go EWWWWWWW! It makes me go ew. I will tell you one...yesterday, on my due date, I cried for an hour and texted my husband telling him I didn't know what was happening to my faith. I was reading and praying and felt like I was being ignored. I got to the point where I just wanted to quit and say "FINE! If you want to ignore me though i pour my heart out to You, FINE!" but wow...wake up call. I hear "You ignore me though I gave my only son for you. Though I pour out my heart for you, though I give you life, love, and every blessing." then I cried some more because I felt like such a crappy christian, such a crappy person.

I wish sin wasn't a daily issue with me, Michael and I talk about it at night. Neither of us wants to sin anymore, but we must not want it bad enough, We both have our struggles, some more obvious than others. We decided it would be a lot easier if our natural disposition was not to succumb to the flesh...but it is. We both have things to keep each other accountable on. Imagine whatever sin you will to fill in the blank, sin is horrible even on the smallest scale. Like a lack of self control, a lack of peace, of patience, of goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness...lacking those things equals SIN! WOW. Brain hammered and zinging in my head...I lack multiples at once. In one spout of anger I show my lack of ALL of those.

Thankfully, I have a redeemer to save me from this wretched body of death! AMEN and HALLELUJAH!
Pray I learn to be more diligent.

(A psalm inspired by my sin)

Oh Lord give me strength to lean on You and not on the desires and callings of my flesh...I need strength from you to trust when I feel I have nothing to trust in, Lord I believe (help me with my unbelief!) and renew a clean heart in me! I ask for the reassurance of your perfect timing and not to succumb to my doubts.

I beg you Lord, give me the strength to live the life you have called me too! I know you will, and yet I falter daily. I feel like King David, though he was a man after your own heart, caught up in my follies day after day. How long, oh Lord, will you put up with a fool like me? I'm sorry for my doubts, for my sins. I'm sorry I call out to You thinking Your not there. Just because my prayer has not been answered to my pleasing Lord does not mean you do not own it and have it under control!

Please Lord, turn your face aside from this wretched sinner, I can't stand on my own. Only look at me through the blood of Your Son, who makes me pure! Help me not to take this love for granted! Help me not use this love to my advantage but to honor You and love You in return! Lord, calm my anxious heart. In Your timing, I know. No amount of tears, whining, or despairing will bring about anything worthwhile. It is only when I wait on you that my soul can truly find rest and that I can be content with the blessings you have given me. Content with the blessings? Rejoice in the blessings! Help me to rejoice in Your PERFECT timing and Your PERFECT plan and not give over to the waves of doubt that encircle me.

Lord, I have no standing on my own. I have nothing to offer you but a botched past and what feels like it will be a messed up future. Even in my failings, my daily falling, my wandering mind, my twisted tongue, my doubting heart, my contentions, my lack of trust, take me. I know Your WILL lead me in the way everlasting.

Thank You for casting my sin as far as the east is from the west.

As far as can be, now as King David cried to you in Psalm 51 I do also to "deliver me from the guilt" of my sin so that I can come boldly before You and declare my new life and heart!

I'm sorry for my crying yesterday, for my doubting that You hear my prayers, for my despair. For feeling forgotten. None of it is true. I am sorry for the secret sins of my heart, for the sins of my mouth, for the sins of my eyes. For my vanity, for my unwilling to yield heart, for my self consumed life. Take this as my confession Lord and give me the strength, I beg and plead with You though You give it freely, to live for You.

Thoughts on the bible and childbirth.

So I just went through Matthew in my morning bible study and am now going through Luke and 1 Samuel. I have a few thoughts, funny that both of the first chapters of the two books speak on childbirth.

First of all, in Luke it talks about the birth of Jesus. Please realize that I am in no way trying to be disrespectful to the word of the Lord, I just noticed some things from the 40 weeks pregnant vantage point that made me think. Mary was a virgin when Jesus was born. Joseph was still a virgin because the bible states that he did not know Mary his wife until she had brought forth her firstborn son (Jesus) in Matthew 1:25. Can you imagine the awkwardness there? Here is this young girl who had never had anything happen to her body before and all of a sudden BOOM contraction hits. Joseph is the only one there to help her. She's in a barn. No epidural here. No cleanliness here! All women can probably attest that the thought of childbirth is bad enough on its own when you think of all the tearing and stretching involved, imagine being a virgin and having that all be completely new and foreign to you. And then there's Joseph.

I pity the poor guy. No bradley classes, no learning the breathing patterns. Heck, he had never seen his wife in anything but the latest desert robe (probably...) and then BAM! She's baring all for him to see and what a sight it is. Childbirth ain't pretty, according to the pictures in our childbirth class. Gruesome, scary, bloody, painful, but not pretty. And he was the ONLY one there to help her. Do you think her labor was any easier because she was giving birth to the Lord? I don't know. Luke glosses over this and says "So it was the time came for her to be delivered and she brought forth a Son". There is a lot that went on in that sentence that we don't know about.

Then here is what really got me. I understand that Jesus was the Lord from the time of His birth and that Mary knew that He was God. But...Mary was still a woman. Not the woman the catholics paint her to be, she was just a woman. She had just given birth in a stable and she had a healthy beautiful child that was probably a mix of a mystery and a gift to her. I can't imagine how she loved Him at that time when she first wrapped him in swaddling cloths and held him tight. She was probably still recovering from labor and delivery when these hairy smelly men show up to worship her child, the Lord God of Israel in the form of a baby.

Yep. I was thinking about how awkward it would have been to have your blood and placenta on the straw in the stable and then these guys show up to see the baby. And shepherds in those days...well rumor has it they were stinky men that were far from the top acceptable tiers of society. Yet this is how God planned everything to happen. I just have a whole new respect for Mary in this story now.

Another update, and some domesticness.

As you know, I like to take pictures. I haven’t been taking many lately, just a few here and there when I remember to get my camera out. Pretty much all the pictures I have been taking have been to update you on the current events, if you care to know about them that is.

My dog Bentley is adorable. He is just about the nicest dog (however that comes with a disclaimer that he is the biggest wuss of a dog I have ever seen…) I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Pretty much all day he follows me from room to room as I go about doing whatever it is I do when I am not at work (laundry, cleaning, cooking etc.) and when we get to our destination room, he plops down and is asleep in a second. It doesn’t matter if I am just walking into that room to drop something off, he follows me out again when I leave, but usually not without stopping to stretch first. He is a very sleepy dog. He is also so cute! Here he is:



The baby is getting very big. At least by my standards…it can simultaneously kick me under the diaphragm and in the pelvis at the same time. Talented little nugget huh? It also has big feet, says the ultrasound tech. That makes me think that it will be a swimmer, well if big feet and the constant flutter kicks I get when I’m trying to sleep mean anything to that effect. It will be here in just under 11 weeks. I know I know, that is only according to the due date, it might be here in 12 weeks. It might in ten, God only knows! It is healthy and keeping me very alert to its presence, always making itself known…



Can you believe its been over a year already? Over a year and there is no one I would rather be with. We both hate how we are always saying goodbye: goodbye going to work, going to school, even going to hang out with friends. It’s the alone time we can’t get enough of! I think I married the best one out there. This morning he came out and gave me a hug from behind (which is easier these days due to my increasing belly size…) and told me that he wanted me to write out a chore list because I shouldn’t have to do everything around the house, he just doesn’t know what I want him to do. Well of course I will agree to that!



His new hobby is mountain biking. He has wanted to get into mountain biking since before we were married and has talked about it often. After extensive reviews, and I mean hours of reviewing products, we went out and bought the stuff. He got a bike frame and some wheels from a friend who races MTB. He broke a 200$ wheel right off the bat, so we had to get a new one of those. We also got him clip in pedals that attach to these sweet Keen MTB shoes. He looks like a legit biker! He also has a nice helmet, of course, because I wouldn’t let him out without one. It’s nice for him to have a hobby, he hates spending money on himself and rarely does unless I make him, or unless I find out what he wants and buy it for him. This is his first big personal purchase (not towards the house or cars etc.) since we got married. Way to go Michael! Hopefully he stays safe….




I went out to my old neighbors farm and picked some apples the other day, they were just perfect. I spent the day today canning apple jelly, making pies, pastry’s and tarts. I think there is a little bit too much for us to eat on our own!

I chronicled the process with pictures, which is hard to remember to do believe it or not. There are so many steps to forget to take pictures of!

Here are all my little apples, some pears, and some plums.



The blue book of canning. I always feel so domestic when I bring this out and follow a recipe to can something. I don’t know why, it just feels like ultra homemaker to me.



This is my accomplice.



And this is my weapon, the guillotine or apples next to a waiting victim



The end result of all apples in my house today…



This is a peach and apple tart with chopped pecans and cranberries. Turned out very good.



My wooden spoons have seen better days, but as some would say, they literally take a lickin and keep on kicken. I love how wooden spoons add an ambiance (it’s silly I know) to the cooking process. So much better than using silicon or plastic. Keep it natural people, natural.

The One.

He is the one, the eyes that could hold me forever.
Although, being held in his arms feels even better...
During the hours of the day I wonder,
Should it be this way?
Should we daily have to work apart,
Not see one another,
Not hold one another,
Or was there a better plan?

His smell...coffee and old spice and wait,
A hint of garlic.
His smell could hold me forever,
Even the scent in his breathe
That is always present,
No matter how he brushes.
There is no where I could feel safer
Than when he wraps his thick, heavy arms around me.
Those arms, the darkly tanned skin, the hard muscle,
They are safety, comfort, love.

I lay my head on his chest,
I feel his heart beat against my head.
I feel our child moving inside me
As I take in the time we have together.
Could it last forever?
If it could, I wish it would.
But in 8 hours...8 short hours...


We rise again.
The coffee is on, the automatic timer in the morning
Makes getting up oh so much easier.
When dark roast greets us with a soft scent.
He sits in his office and studies the word,
I sit on the deck and take in the world,
While we spend time with our Lord.

A quick kiss goodbye, a lingering look...
"I love you"
and a sigh.
He doesn't want to go.
"I love you too"
I don't want him to go either.
I will be home, folding the laundry,
Cleaning the house,
Buying the groceries,
He will be out,
Working till dusk,
Wearing himself thin
To provide.

And then...
The dog starts wagging his tail and runs to the door.
I glance quickly in the mirror,
A day of work leaves much to be desired in my hair and face.
I can look outside and see,
He is playing with the dog.
The dog he loves to much,
Then he stands and comes to the door,
I wait for him.
He drops everything and holds me
Until I feel I can let him go.
"I love you"
He always says softly,
Into my neck, where he rests his head.
While I wrap my arms around him too.
Our daily routine
The long embrace.
The knowing it will happen again tomorrow.

But tonight,
We can be together.
We can sit side by side,
Read, watch, play, eat.
Does it matter?
Time...
Thats all we need.
Please don't let time slip away from us...

The end.

I finished my Stats and Logic class...wow. It was intense! 5 weeks long and I logged 44 hours of studying. It keeps track of how long you spend online doing the homework questions. Jeeps. That 2 days of homework! I passed, and now I have my degree. Good enough for me!

The babes is moving a lot, it just kicked me right under my belly button. That is quite a strang feeling. I like to call it Muff...since it is my little muffin in the oven. That and I don't have anything else to call it yet! Muff is a weird name, but at least I can address it. Jenny thought of it, and I like it.

We had our anniversary/baby belly pictures done, will be posting some soon. Michael is such a great husband to have especially when I am pregnant. This morning I had to go to work and he woke up early with me (6am) and when I went in the kitchen to make breakfast he said "How about I make breakfast this morning so you have time to get ready?" How sweet, he made really good food too. I had enough time to get everything and more done in the morning. We also got to have our morning bible studies together (well he sat on one couch and I on the other, but in the same room, which is good enough) and drank delicious coffee, compliments of my brother who gave us a bag of the best dark roast ever.

So, at the moment, all is well. I am at work now, not feeling sick. My feet haven't swollen. I don't look like a beached whale, and the wee one will arrive in just 12 weeks time. We have names pretty well narrowed down but until we are a little more certain, they are under wraps.