Saturday, November 29, 2008

An early morning blog.

Or a late night blog. Both are somewhat true. I haven't yet gone to sleep so I suppose it would be a late night blog. 

Anyways. So tonight I rallied the troops and we all got together for around the world ping pong at church, egyptian roadkill, president, and to end it all some great games of mafia. Seriously, tonight was fun. We also had pizza and Mt. Dew :)

Although I enjoy these times of just getting together and laughing and having a good time I really wish that we did more. I feel as though we are a bunch of young lives that have a lot of potential but we waste it every weekend by just hanging out and having a good time. I don't know what I am waiting for really, but it is something big. Maybe my next big step towards the call God has placed on my life is becoming Michael's wife. 

I keep wondering...what if the ultimate call God has placed on my life is not to be a police officer, a paramedic, a nurse, and on the SWAT team. What if I need to give up those things, those dreams I have held on to for so long and surrender to another plan? Not necessarily a bad or lesser plan but just a different one? What if the Lord has called me to be Michael's wife. His support. A good mother who raises Godly children. Can I settle with that ultimate goal? Can I do more than settle? Can I rejoice in the awesomeness of the Lord through that? I think I can. I have to learn to let go of my pride. My pride says that I need my degree to amount to something. It says that I need to get a good job and have an earthly title. My flesh screams for it. The Word of the Lord contradicts it however. 

The Bible says to not seek earthly titles. They only "puff up" the flesh. So now I am really struggling with this. I have some of the more liberal christians out there who tell me "Oh you don't have to give up your dreams! You can still do those things and be Michael's wife!" I know this but really and truly if I go biblically, a wife stays at home. Raises her children and supports her husband. The only time a woman steps up is when there are no men to do the job. Like Deborah in Judges. She had to step in to fill the gap because there were no righteous men around. Now we can look at this and say that in the modern world it doesn't apply. Life is so different now. Does this go across the board or just for this though? Are we also supposed to not follow whatever examples seem "outdated" in the Word? 

I'm not saying that I am going to be a stay at home mom and not do anything but raise my kids for my whole life. I don't know what I will do! I am just sharing what has been going through my mind lately. I want to be obedient to the Lord and He is showing me these little tidbits the more I seek Him. The more I seek Him I come to see this path as a blessing not a curse. I am excited someday to stay at home with my kids. It is a high calling. 

I am still working out in my head and my heart the surrendering part. It is hard for me to grasp but if I can't surrender this part of my life and say "Lord, take it" then what am I? A sorry christian thats for sure. I need to surrender every single part of my life and that means even the parts I have planned and be willing for the Lord to change them. I think I am willing. I hope I am willing. 

I am excited to someday marry Michael. He hasn't quite got the memo yet but I am crazy about this guy! I know it may be a long time before it happens but I am so ready and waiting. 

Later dudes I need some sleep!


- Sarah :-) said...

Dude... rock ON!!! I SO get what you're saying!

Rebecca said...

I must say that I understand your your struggle, but something you said really, really bothered me. It is NOT biblical to say that a good, godly woman's place is just to be a man's wife, mother and support. God calls all His children to be more. His goal for us is to be his hands and feet - male and female alike. If God calls you to serve people by being a nurse, a police officer, etc then that is what you are supposed to do. Don't discount your dreams simply because He has also called you to be a wife and mother. He gave you those dreams, those aspirations - would it not also be a sin to not fulfill His calling in those ways?