Thursday, January 29, 2009

Tis a very strange thing.

Love. Tis a very strange thing. I love Michael more than I ever thought I could ever love anyone. I never knew I would be like this, I don't fall easily! How did it happen? Its almost worse than being single because I spend so much time worrying that something will happen to this man that has more of my heart than I do...I get so worried. Especially working in the ER. I see people with their loved one, usually its a little old woman with her little old husband dying in the bed. She holds his hand and we try to act normal, I guess in a hospital it is normal just not normal to me I guess. 

I don't think I could stand ever losing him. I know I probably shouldn't think about it, but thinking about losing him is what made me realize I loved him. He got into a horrible 65 mph head on crash last June and I remember the minute I found out about it I knew I loved him because the thought of never being able to see him again made me stop. Just stop, I don't know what stopped but I think everything. Like I woke up all of a sudden and knew I had to be with him. 

And now I fear losing him. I pray that the Lord would help me get over the fear of losing him. That I wouldn't be worried all the time and that I would hold Michael as a gift the Lord gave to me and know that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be His name either way. But still...I don't want him hurt. I don't want him gone. I want him safe and here with me.

*Side note*
In case your reading this Michael, I love you more than I could ever express :)


pocket full of pink said...

What a precious blog you have!

Melody said...

Thanks! It makes it interesting to chronicle life and thoughts, yours is pretty entertaining too! I love your proposal story!