Well I am sitting here in the Lake City Ambulance waiting for someone to call 911 and give me something to do...in the meantime I will write a blog about what the Lord has been doing in my life recently. I just got off the phone with a wonderful sister that I haven’t spoken with in more than a year. It was so encouraging. She is so sold out to the Lord it makes me want to be that way too. I told her about Michael and the new things in my life and in all of the trouble I feel I have, in speaking about it I noticed how blessed I am. I have a man who loves the Lord and seems to like me too… I have a loving family and church family, I have ministry opportunities like crazy.
I don’t know why it has been upsetting me that doors have been closing in my face. It makes it all so much easier. When a door closes it narrows my way and gives me less opportunity to stray. Last night I was so upset that I didn’t get a job I really wanted, so upset that I couldn’t sleep at all. I was up until after 4am thinking, mind racing wondering why I am such a failure. At about 4 I opened my bible (why I did not do it earlier…?) to Psalm 37 and started to read. I was so blessed. The Lord has a plan for me and it is a perfect plan that can’t happen if every door I push on is open to me. It is so specific to me, I am so honored that He has orchestrated my steps.
Its weird. Things aren’t working out to well for me from the outside looking in. Actually…it is pretty bad. However the Lord has done a work in my heart. I am content right now. I am content to be a girl in a new relationship with a man, content to be falling more in love with my Savior and content to be a ‘nobody’ for the Lord. I know many people don’t think I am a nobody, but it does feel like that is what my earthly credentials have given me. Yet I am ok with that. I don’t know why but right now I feel ok with it. Read Psalm 37 and be encouraged, pray for me too because I want to continue to have the joy of the Lord in my heart.
You know what I think that changing point was for me? Last night I was praying that the Lord would help me not to be fearful and not to be caught up by myself. I realized mid prayer that I am always asking for things from the Lord when I could just go for it and not be fearful and not worry what people think about me. I prayed for boldness. I realized that I just need to be bold. I can pray for it all I want but if I never try to make it happen it won’t, it’s not like praying for boldness will make something inhabit my body like in Men in Black and spit words out of my mouth for me. I pray for it and then I do it. I am in the ambulance listening to my Christian music while people are up front using the profanities they are so accustomed with, it doesn’t bother me in the least but it is a great contrast. They need Christ and I am bringing Him to them.