Friday, December 17, 2010

Oh look at the time...

Yes, look at the time. Of course, being that it is 01:54 I am awake with little babe. She gets up every night at about midnight and stays awake alternating being adorable, eating, and taking little (like 2 minutes long) cat naps until after 02:00, then she sleeps for about 2 hours and then is up for the day. Well, she is up until around 09:00 or 10:00. Oh the schedule of a 4 week old.

It feels more like a late night right now since I only got less than an hour of sleep before being awoken by Honeylove, but it is really early morning. Four weeks ago at this time I was in labor almost ready to start pushing to get her out, how crazy it is to me! How my life has changed in four weeks. It is the best and most difficult experience of my life so far. Difficult because it is hard to love this much, hard to put myself out there to be hurt. If anything were to happen to my little dear I would cease to truly live I think. I spend far to much time worrying about her. It is even more vulnerable to me than the marriage, this intense love that takes over. I didn't know I would feel this for my child but it is almost more than I can bear! I know Michael loves me, but Evelyn didn't choose me like he did. She got stuck with me. Hopefully in the future she will choose to love me too and not just love me because I am her food and comfort and jump at her every need.

But on to my accomplishments as a mother. My little mothering accomplishments may seem mundane or useless to you who are so far ahead of me (mom, Beth, Sara, Kris) but to me these things are revolutionary. To know that I am a mother, I have the knowledge, I have the ability, I am empowered. Yes, empowered. To deal with spit up, messy diapers, crying, hunger and a messy house. So take it. (I got the power!)

Anyways.We have had a little problem today, I say "we" because mine is a laundry problem, hers is a spit up problem. They walk hand in hand. She has been spitting up copious amounts and its sad, poor little dear. I looked up different reasons that could be causing all of this spit up and I discovered a lot.

(thank the Lord for internet, I don't know what paranoid new moms did before cell phones and internet!)

Mainly I think she eats too fast and doesn't stop when she gets full. So tonight I tried something different. I fed her for awhile until she seemed to slow down or get uncomfortable (letting go, little legs running, making smacking noises etc.) and then I burped her and gave her a pacifier. Wow! She took the pacifier and it kept her quiet and content. She didn't spit up after that. I realize now that just because she cries and will eat doesn't mean she needs to eat. She went to sleep happy and easily. I feel slightly accomplished, I conquered my baby for the night.


E. Chikeles said...

lol! I love reading your little mommy posts!! I knew you would fall head over heals for her but its still sweet and I smile the entire post.

Totally agree with you about the motherhood thing, remember it! I have a hard time remembering when all we do all day is whine, discipline, and repeat.

I think the same thing about the internet too! I would totally go insane if I couldn't read posts by other moms or call mom at anytime of day! Way to go on figuring out how your baby eats! When they don't talk it can be so hard, your a natural. :) Love ya!

Tammy said...

This blog made me cry, in a good way, the whole way through. It's fun watching you mommy. You're doing a good job!