Wednesday, December 8, 2010

My world and its difficulties.

My world is now an 8lb baby with fuzzy dark hair and the cutest little rolls on her arms. She is sleeping noisily on me as I type, life could not get any better, or so I feel right now. Being a mom to Evelyn is the best thing that has ever happened to me, other than being saved from the pits of hell by Jesus. I dread the thought of going back to work and leaving my darling little girl for 9 hours but I can't seem to find a way around it.

We knew that would be the way of things when we decided to try and have a child, but its just a lot harder in reality than in theory. I know I only have to work until Michael is done with school, unfortunately that will be in a LONG time. Long enough that I could finish my nursing degree in the meantime and make a lot more than I am making now...oh the options. Too bad none of the options are stay at home forever with the baby. I think my first choice (of the two choices I don't like anyways...) would be to go to school and finish my nursing degree. I have at most 3 semesters left and then I will be able to work less and we will survive whereas it is hard to make ends meet with the amount I am working now.

I hate seeing Michael trying to fill the financial gaps with working in all his free time of which he has very little. His school is so demanding, engineering undergrads are that way. He studies until late at night, he gets up at 530 or 6 everyday (even all weekend...) and then when he has a day off from studying he finds work to try and make things more balanced. In between he tries to hold the girl as much as possible, I can tell how much he hates leaving her too. He sits in the rocker by the fireplace and rocks her for a half hour or more when he gets home from school, just talking to her and kissing her, she always grimaces from his scratchy face. He almost always asks me what time it is after he has been sitting there for awhile and reluctantly has to give her back to me and start school work. This was his biggest fear about being a father: that he wouldn't have enough time with her. Unfortunately his fear is becoming reality. Eventually we will have to start finding time to focus on each other again I suppose...but right now its all about Evelyn. Time will have to teach us how to better manage this all.

I wish there was an easy way but if there is it is not showing itself. Instead I face either work or school, both will mean parting from the girl. Hopefully it gets easier as time goes on because as it is the thought of being away for an hour is hard enough. I miss her when I sleep, how will I handle being at the hospital while she is home?

1 comment:

E. Chikeles said...

ahhh... Love your little family!

Unfortunately husbands working long hours and not seeing babies very much seems to be the way of a young family... Kevin sees Megs about an hour or less a day these days. :( Remember how Dad used to work so much? Guess thats why husbands need helpmeets...

Hope you don't have to work much, I completely know what you mean about missing your daughter when you're sleeping! :(