Thursday, May 15, 2008

Change...supposed to be inevitable.

I am stuck in a rut of monotony. I want to get out!
I have options, I know but I am holding out for the amazing!
But why is it taking so long?
I love college, and the thought of getting my degree. And its only two more years! But I want it to change now, this monotony is just eating me up.
I wish I could become the girl I want to be, then maybe this would change and I could be loved by someone amazing and not be stuck here anymore. 'Here' is not a place, here is now...is the last 9 months...is the last 20 years? 
I will never be the girl I want to be...always cute and smiling and happy. 
My clothes are perpetually wrinkled, my hair consistently out of place. My 4 year old cousin might as well help me with my makeup and I only wear 2 different pairs of shoes on a regular basis. 
When I go to bed I imagine that somehow I will wake the next morning having developed some sense of style or taste, that my stupid hips would be gone and that my hair would be long and beautiful. I hold on to those hope and try to avoid all mirrors. However... my mom has placed them strategically around our house so that you cannot avoid the inevitable truth that waits around every, yes every, corner. 
Still...tomorrow I may be cute. Tomorrow I may develop a taste for daintiness instead of ultimate frisbee, a t shirt and baggy jeans. 
Yeah...I wish.

3 comments:

- Sarah :-) said...

BOY have I been there. I think I may BE there at least twice a week, if not more.

It's hard being a girl AND a hard worker... becuase you put other things first, lack the money to look the way you want, and really lack the TIME (and drive, sometimes)to get to where you want to be.

With risk of sounding uber cliche - don't forget who's image you were made in... and don't insult someone so great.

I WAY often find myself having those kinds of days (Today is definitely one, in fact), but when I think about who's image I've been made in, I realize how much I am insulting him to think I am less than perfect in my non-fitting clothes and oily-untamed hair.

Just food for thought...

Melody said...

lol wow...I never thought of it that way. Of insulting and image so great as my God....thanks dude! that really helped and did not sound utterly cliche!

Tammy said...

This picture doesn't look like the girl you describe.
Love, Mom
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=841579&id=507667092