Monday, April 12, 2010

Oh to live in a world...

Oh to live in a world like the one in my books. Where perils entrap heroes, and yet the heroes never fail to be victorious. Yes, I have been reading again. I was on my way to work the other day and instead of reaching for one of my typical books like Pride and Prejudice or one of my textbooks I grabbed the third book in the Eragon series, Brisingr. It is a story of dragons and elves, dwarves, men of valor and men of disdain, beautiful women that entrap men with an innocent movement and swords and bows and arrows. My kind of story. Alas...when I read such stories I get overwhelmed with a feeling of nostalgia (closest thing I can compare it too?) and I want to rush out and grab my sword (yes, I do have a sword) and fight the evil myself.

I know, I am such a dork. I can't help it. It grabs ahold of me and I feel as though I can't sleep until I finish the story. It stays with me for days on end as I revel in the story that is so much more interesting and adventerous than my own. Does anyone else have this enjoyment? This struggle? I wish that I could be as content in my world as I am in theirs. My dreams are of the worlds in my books when I am engrossed in good one. I dream I am a heroine that saves the world with the skill of my mind and body. I will never do anything so important, I am resigning myself to my role.

And yes, I say resigning. I am realizing that no matter how I force it I am not as other people are. Not as my husband is. He is content to be where he is, he doesn't have something in him pulling him trying to get him to do more. He doesn't have the desire to see more, do more, and be more. I realize now that my life will change, with having a baby, and my adventures will change. If only what I see in my head could match up with what is truly before me. I want to revel in this adventure as my sister did, as my mom did but so far they are probably more excited than I am. I would still rather be in the Army or Navy feeling like I was doing something of worth.

I wish I was more boring...not saying that in a self conceited way but I wish that I could just be settled and not always looking into what I am not and what I cannot achieve.


Uriel said...

I have journal entries like this from about fifteen years ago, lamenting the fact that life isn't like my books and hoping I could find some sort of portal to another world.
For me, God prescribed total abstinence from all fantasy/sci-fi fiction. It wasn't til about five years ago I was allowed to read it again. I think Dune @ book club was my first venture back into the old books.
But in my period of abstinence, I found out that being a christian is exciting if we think about it in the right way, the cosmic battlefield way. Also reading the bible I got a new appreciation of the promise of a renewed eternal heavens and earth which would fulfill a lot of the old yearnings. Randy Alcorn's "Heaven" was really helpful there, I'd recommend it.
Also, in our kind of fiction, the characters IN the stories are often worn out, tired, fatigued, annoyed and scared by the things happening to them. In general they don't get the same feelings from going through their stories as we do from reading them. And we only read the exciting parts of their journeys - not the boring everybody-has-to-do-it things of their daily lives.
I bet your heroes in fiction feel a lot like you do when you're working in the ER.

Melody said...

I have thought of that Judah, maybe it is time I put my stories on the shelf and get attached to real life and all its wonder. That being know its not easy. I think about living like an elf in the woods, in touch with nature, respecting the earth and seeing God in all aspects of creation. Its like...I don't know I feel like I was made to see God in creation, in the beauty of what He has made and the natural way of it all. Anyways...I put my books away for now. Who knows when I will read them again.