Monday, December 8, 2008

How to woo a woman...

My mom and I talked tonight about how to woo a woman. And no offense men, but I think you are all clueless. From stories of my dad to how Kevin was with Beth and now my experiences with Michael, all have continuity. I just reread the circle trilogy and it talks so much about wooing and goes into how Thomas is so taken with Rachelle that her every movement takes his breath away. I sighed a lot during this book. It was a whimsical "what if" type of sigh that ended with a "probably not" type of sigh. I guess the romance between Thomas and Rachelle is a little much to ask for. 

But for any guys who read this, of whom I think there is only Judah and possibly Andrew, take note. However since both of you are married don't take to much note but pass on the wisdom to some fool you stumble upon who is losing the game of love. These are my personal opinions mixed with what I have gleaned from other women, and since I am a woman I figure I have good insight into the matter. 

1. Women want to be pursued! We want to know that you want us, not just that we are the first ones to want you. We want to be sought after like the good deal you wanted to get on your car. I think of when Kevin bought his truck recently. He didn't just go buy a truck because he thought it was pretty and he liked the way it felt and drove. Those were contributing factors but he bought it (and anyone who knows Kevin can attest to this: he is meticulous) because he researched it, looked into and studied it until he thought it was worth not only his money but his time. Now that he bought it he doesn't throw it into the corner of the parking lot and forget about it, he still cares for it by putting gas into, washing it when it is dirty, not beating it up etc. He probably cares even more now than he did before he bought it because now it belongs to him. 

I suppose that is a mirror of a woman. We want to be pursued and studied until you are ready to commit. The caring does not stop there however it just begins. Its when you start to treasure us because we are now yours. Not just any man could get what you got and have to treat it that way. 

2. Women want to feel, not just know, that they are protected by you. I always love it when Michael looks strong. I love it when I know he could beat up the other guys in the room, even though I know he wouldn't, I love knowing he can. I love it when he flexes his muscles because I like knowing that I have a strong man. I like knowing that I can feel safe with him. I also would like it if he were more jealous with me. Jealousy is a trait portrayed by God in His love for us and so I think it is a good trait to be portrayed by us in our earthly relationships. When another guy is getting to close or paying to many compliments I want Michael to walk up to me and put his arm around me as if to say "She's mine, back off". He doesn't really pick up on that stuff yet but he will someday. 

3. We want to feel treasured. Sometimes I just want to know that Michael adores me. He doesn't say stuff like that and has a hard time showing it but I want to know. I get these little pieces of doubt in my mind, especially if I haven't seen him in a few days or if I have seen him and he hasn't hugged me or told me I looked pretty or something. I start thinking he doesn't like me anymore. I know its stupid but its true. I want an everyday reassurance that he loves me (which he can't bring himself to say out loud yet though I know its true!). Whether in word or deed I want it! I want to know that besides the Lord his relationship with my is the foremost in his life. That he just wants to be in the same room as me like I do for him. I just want to be near him all of the time. I just want to breathe the same air and look at his face and feel his hands. I always want to wrap my arms around him and just stand there forever but I think he would get tired of that after a day or two. I would like to KNOW that he feels the same about me. 

I was reading the word today and I was flipping to Proverbs (a proverb a day keeps the devil away!) and I noticed in Song of Solomon a bolded title that said "The Beloved to his Beloved" and it was just paragraph upon paragraph of him lavishing compliments upon his beloved. Sure I don't want Michael to say my teeth are like a flock of goats but to know that he feels extravagantly for me would be amazing!

A small note to say "I'm thinking of you" or a phone call to check up on us, a rose every now and then, a random romantic surprise, those are the little things that make a girl feel treasured. 
The things that make a girl feel adored, well for me it would be this:
when your talking and he reaches up his hand to brush the hair out of your face so he can see your eyes. When he walks up and puts his hand on your back just to say "I'm here". When he brings up a cup of coffee when he gets up to get something. When he walks around the car in the cold just to be a gentleman and open your door. When he sees you shivering and puts his arm around you. When he reaches for your hand every time you pray, whether in church or at a restaurant. Those little things would make me feel adored! 

4. We want to love you back, so let us! I always want to do something like cook for Michael. Or make him something, or anything that could show him I love him. Support him in any way possible, do what he wants to do even when I want to do something else. Respect him, let him know I think he strong, that kind of thing. I hope he knows how much I love him! I try to show it, and if you have any helpful hints guys, let me know. 

5. We put a lot of time into making ourselves look pretty for you, why can't you do the same? I don't dress up all the time for everything, just when Michael is going to be around. I want him to see that I want to look beautiful for him. I take not of every style he says he likes and try to wear that. I bought the perfume he said he liked. I remember every hair style he said he liked and now try to do something similar when I see him. I let him see the me that isn't dressed up quite often, but for the most part I try to look pretty. Just like me loving to show the girls that my man is strong and handsome I want him to be able to be proud of how pretty I can look. 

But he hasn't quite got this memo yet...he won't do his hair for me! Its not hard, a simple task that could take an extra five minutes of the day if you count the commute from the basement to the upstairs bathroom with a stop for a snack in the kitchen.  I love the way he looks but he is younger than me and you can tell. When he does his hair not only does he looks very handsome but he looks older! And I like that! So when I see him and his hair isn't done I always want to fix it but I know it will annoy him so I only do it about 1/5 of the time I would like too. Hopefully someday he will see. I have threatened to stop dressing up for him and leaving my hair the way it is when I roll out of bed but to no avail. He says he doesn't care but I know he would if he saw it happen!

6. Be spontaneous. Do something you wouldn't normally do just to show a girl she is special and you will go to extreme measures including out of your comfort zone to show her you care :)

7. Love the Lord with all your heart. I love this about Michael. Probably the thing I love most: he loves the Lord with all of his heart. He shows it all the time. He is tender to the hurting and strong in his faith. He knows the word and he loves to serve. This is why I choose him, and why we will always stay together. We have a good foundation!

It tis late and I need to sleep now. This is a loooong blog and probably not helpful to any but me, it helped me to write it. So I guess that good then huh? 

Shalom my friends.


- Sarah :-) said...

Umm... can I borrow this? My husband SO needs to read these points! ha ha ha

Melody said...

Well Michael is now starting to do almost everything on my list! Its weird because I was talking to my mom about how he never calls me just to check up on me and say hey or something...then like 5 minutes later he called out of the blue. I asked him if my mom texted him or told him to call me and he was like " I just wanted to call you!" It was hilarious and made me way happy!

He just gets better and better :)

Uriel said...

You know, I don't think all women are the same, because Brandy doesn't seem to care that much about any of those things and I've done them instinctively (I'm not trying to be vain, but those were all things I looked forward to doing). But I will pass the list on to all the clueless men I meet as the majority opinion!
Happy to hear that you & Michael are coming along well, he must be a solid guy with a strong personality to hold on to you.

So you like the Circle?! Sweet! Both Brandy & I loved those. Sadly, none of the other Dekker books seem to measure up.

Melody said...

I agree. The Circle was great and set my hopes high but alas, they were the height of his writing thus far.

And see the reason Brandy doesn't seem to care is because she has the same personality type as Michael wheras you and I are more similar. I guess its good that the dreamy people get matched up with the people that have their head screwed on strait in emotional matters! I couldn't handle it if Michael were as emotionally ruled as I am even though I times I wish for it.