Wednesday, August 20, 2008


I have them. I am sick of doing school and working and treading water in life waiting for something to happen. 
I am sick of hoping for love and only getting heartbreak when I realize no one loves me like that who I can truthfully love back. And I am sick of men falling in love with me when I know I could never love them the way they would want me too. 
AH. Lets just say I am sick of it all...
I wish I could live in the solace of my guitar. I wish I could always sleep on the rooftop where all I see is stars, I wish I had someone, I wish I had best friends like I did when I was little and we could giggle all night long about nothing and be happy, I wish relationships didn't change. 
And I wish people didn't die. 
Or lie to me when they say they would change and then they don't when I have put so much hope in them. 
I feel like King David, lamenting over all the things in my life that bring me sorrow...focus Melody focus! Jesus, the one you claim to love is here. He is catching your tears and holding you close when sobs rack your heart! He is telling you not to worry and to focus! To focus on eternity!
Oh my soul be still...or else you will go insane. 


E. Chikeles said...

I was pondering love last night. Trying to figure out some of the same stuff... though my boy issues are a bit different. =P
I think it is amazing how much we want to be loved. We want to be seen for who we are and enjoyed immensely by someone so that we can have the freedom to see them and love them back... I love husband more when I feel loved by him; and really thats the only reason I loved him in the first place- because he loved me first. I suppose thats how we were created and in a perfect world it would not be hard to love because we would all love each other as we know God loves us.
The problem then is, why do we have such a hard time loving unconditionally when we are ALWAYS loved hardcore like nothing else by Jesus? If we are always loved we should be able to love easily... but its not.
Anyway, don't give up as I know you won't- here on earth love will always be hard and always hurt as much as (or more than) it blesses but someday soon it will all change and Jesus will be known by all and those issues that were muddy in the church and in life won't even exist- we will all be bawling too much to see anything but how beautiful Jesus is and how much He loves us.
Besides that, unless they are dead people can still change. =)

- Sarah :-) said...

I have a song for you - "You're no Alone" by Meredith Andrews.

It makes me cry becuase I often am right where you are...

But he's so always there. *sigh* He's dreamy.

- Sarah :-) said...

Wow - that was supposed to be "You're NOT Alone"... my bad.

Melody said...

lol well I did guess that Sarah..your too funny.