Righteousness over Revenge.

I was talking to a friend who I look up to as a strong sister in the Lord tonight and she gave me this: righteousness over revenge. She reminded me that sin can come in many forms and for me lately it has been coming as revenge. Not as in killing the guys who took my family's honor but as in the sneaky I want to wave this in your face so you feel my pain revenge. I used to want to storm into the guys who fired my dad and wave my college bill in front of their face and tell them thanks for the fact that my dad could not afford this anymore and then leave them with the guilt. Now I realize its not ever that my dad could or could not afford anything, it was whether the Lord was providing in this area or not. The Lord provided for my dad through the nuclear plant until He saw it fit to move on and stretch our faith. How dare I wave that in the face of an unbeliever to illicit pity? 

Of late my thoughts of revenge have been more personal. Its a not a getting back at people for wrongs done but wanting people to feel sorry for what they have done. Like at work I want this lady to see me with the children and how much they love me and then for her to feel sorry for the way she treated me. Others on a broader scale but mostly like that. 

My friend told me to "rise above". To recognize that my thoughts in that direction are sin and I need to let that go. It so hard but I am trying. The Lord has blessed me with Michael, with an amazing family, and with so much more. How could I not be thankful enough and loved enough to glory in that instead of glorying in the thoughts of revenge?

I'm sorry to my Lord for this sin in my life, and sorry to whomever I have thought or desired ill upon. My only goal is to emulate my Savior and that was a very poor imitation. I will try harder to strive for righteousness over revenge!