What do you think is true romance?
Friday, December 19, 2008
Tell me...
So my blogging friends I would like you to tell me what you think is true romance. After reading (yes again I refer to these books...) the circle trilogy and the feelings therein I get a little sad and a little jealous to think of how strongly the main character Thomas feels for Chelise, his love interest. Judah when you see Brandy do you feel of that? Or is that just literary jargon? Beth when you see Kevin does your heart "skip a beat" so to say? I want to know if all the things that I hope for are just nonsense that some author came up with or if they are real. So tell me!
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2 comments:
I suppose it depends. When we were first courting or married there were many occasions when my heart did "skip a beat" or I held my breath and I couldn't talk but just had to step back and think about things for a while, but I think those are in some sense shock reactions, like the reaction when you dive off a high dive the first time. Once you've dived off it a couple hundred times your system doesn't get quite the same shock, and once you live day in and out with someone, no matter how glorious, you get acclimated to their glory and so your system functions normally in their presence.
I still get the warm fuzzies quite often, I still look at brandy and think of what a singularly blessed guy I am and how beautiful she is, admire certain parts of her, want to do nice things for her, be heroic for her, and miss her when she's gone, but, in the midst of all those things I honestly don't get the shock and awe response anymore. I'm not sure if the shock and awe part is meant to last - but that doesn't mean there's nothing left romantically.
You do miss some of the pleasure of that initial gamble which seems to have infinite possibility (which pleasure, I think, is part of the "shock and awe") when you choose and build familiarity, but without the desire for familiarity there would never be anything to gamble for (except maybe casual sex, which is hardly the same thing as romance).
I think in part it is literary jargon, but in part not, and I like ideals - they give me something to aim for, so I don't like thinking so much whether they're possible or not, I just want to reach them.
Sometimes literature is disappointingly statistically realistic though, like how Thomas loves Rachel @ first, but then she dies and he basically moves right along to the next thing.
Romance... I think my idea of romance born of books was much confused. Not to say the books I read were informing me wrongly, but that my imagination took off in an unrealistic ideal of what a romantic relationship would look like. Generally I think that happens because, for example, most people do not pause to notice the little thoughts that are captured on paper to describe feelings, they just look for feelings. Most men would notice the many little things about Rachelle that drew Thomas in, but few would put them into noted thoughts; it would just be an overall attraction.
As for me, in the beginning husband did little romantic things every once in awhile but I had to learn (am learning) to note them and tag the feelings I know should be there to his actions. Example, two days into marriage husband was short with wife and wanted to have time alone to play with his computer but instead of verbalizing it to doting wife he got angry at her doting. Five minutes later his manliness stepped out of the way and he realized his mistake. Putting on their wedding song he took her up and danced with her, but wife was upset, hurt, and annoyed with his lack of civility and it took a little while and rewriting it in her journal before she realized the romance of it.
Now, romance happens often in my heart and head, but it is not always and it is something I work for. When he walks in the door and is in a good mood my heart jumps to see him smiling at me even more than when we were courting... his laugh makes me smile no matter what my mood and he can change my heart more than anyone or anything else with a look or a kiss. Its a choice though, from my end. Husband loves me but rarely as mentally imagined or verbally spoken as Thomas did Rachelle. Of course, when you read Black most of the things Thomas felt for Rachelle was in his head and only when they jump to 15 years of marriage does he know how to show it; he is an awkward lover but we see the inside story that every man has but rarely knows how to communicate.
That is my opinion. Hope it makes sense!
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