I feel tired.

This picture is a good representation of how I feel. Tired. Yet...I also am looking forward to my day.

It has been a rough two days at work for me. First, on monday night I helped someone get into their car after they had been discharged from the hospital. After I had put her in her car and she grabbed me by the collar of shirt and told me frantically "I'm going to die, I'm going to die. I'm dying!"

What you know, about five minutes later, in the car with her husband and daughter, she died. What am I supposed to do about that? There was nothing I could do, she was terminally ill. But still, I just put her in her car and went back to my work. Rough. She was scared enough of death for me to think that she didn't know where she was going to be when she died. And I said nothing.

On tuesday night it was just annoying patients mostly and gross clean up after said annoying patients. However there was one cute little lady with a big black eye that sticks out in my mind. She was a sweetheart. She had just come from her sisters funeral and was having a drink with her family that had come from all over for the funeral. She hadn't been out in a long time, more than a year, because of surgeries and illnesses. She had a drink, then she passed out. Broke her facial bones and her arm. She was so embarrassed. It had nothing to do with the alcohol either, it just happened. Talk about a rough day for her. It makes me really sad to see people suffering. I always try to put on a good face but...it still affects me inside.

If anyone from work is reading this they may be thinking I need to lighten up, not take things so seriously, it's life etc. I don't act like it affects me at work...? But at work its easy to turn off emotion. In the car on the way home, laying in bed going to sleep, and all the next day, I think about it. I must be to soft for this job.

There's more I've been dealing with, but I will wait for another time to try and put it into words. My baby is being patient (she woke up about a paragraph ago) just sitting on my lap talking away, playing with my necklace, but I need to play with her now :)