Photos.

I taught Brette to drive Josie the Rabbit today. She's a stick shift, so not everyone drive her well. She did really good too, and we cruised the strip down by the levee about 6 times. It was fun though. Then we went out in the country and took some pictures!

I have a couple concerts coming up that I have to make posters for so I wanted her to take some pics of me with my guitar, but I ended up getting a bunch of her with my guitar also. It was way fun and the pictures all turned out awesome! So here are a few:

And now for some I took!

And some craziness!

Muddled.

Life...

is confusing.

So many times

I wish you were back?

But...

I realize that it wouldn't work anyways.

So I guess its for the better.

But still doors wave in the wind

only when I get to them they slam closed.

Yet from a distance I see the beauty beyond the openness.

Just not open to me.

Come back to me peace and reign

show me what it is to be loved without pain.

Please?

A picnic.

Here are a few pictures from a recent picnic and time cruising in the car with my little brother's best friend, Brittany. It was just a fun time of goofing off...the word was supposed to be everyone dressing up. Apparently Brit and I were the only ones who got the memo so we are the only ones we added pictures of.

Brit throwing a hat, how cool did that turn out?

What word but 'weight' will generate a response?

Funny that the first blog I write about losing weight has generated the most response in its short lived day. How interesting.

I am sitting in Caribou, I should be studying. An open Anatomy and Physiology book is staring me in the face, teasing me sort of saying 'ha I know you don't want to look at me but you HAVE TOO!'

Oh the days.

Summer feels like it is going to be worthless. I need a job, but I really need to study. If I don't study I am going to fail. Or get a C which is almost like failing. But, during the few hours of the day I have that I am not studying, I feel so incredibly lazy and I want to work. But what job is going to hire me simply from 1:00-9:00 monday, 3 hours on tuesday and thursday, 2 hours on wednesday... oh you get the point. Although I am not in school or working those hours its not enough time to work. BUT ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY. 

Ugh I think I am going to go pick up shifts at target. Its about all I can do and I need money and even more I need to not feel lazy. 

SO there. 

This is the most worthless nothing of a blog I have ever posted but it is dang reality.

!!!!!!

I spend way to much time checking my face in the mirror.

Basically, I am on a mission. I am going to lose weight. Shut up! I don't want to hear it! All of you people who think it is a stupid endeavor because you think I don't need to lose weight. Well here's the latest news, its my body and I would feel better if I lost weight so don't worry about it. 

I went running, but the next day my back hurt so bad (I have a bad back) I don't think I can go running. So what else, biking? Hiking? Soccering? Anything that ends in -ing must have some sort of fitness application, other than eating...

I don't know what it will be but I am going on a diet starting in the morning and fitness schedule so that by the time I go see Daniel graduate I will look really good. And I will feel really good. Maybe I will even go tanning and do something with my hair.

Well...I don't want to push it. 

I need to stop!

Looking! I always look for who could be husband, I am just so tired of waiting and being lonely.

But I am resolved to stop looking, and let the Lord guide him to me. 

Everyone who is married tells me to relish this time alone, that it is an awesome ordained time. And I do agree, I love the freedom I have. I can choose where I want to go, what I want to do, and all that is holding me back is my lack of finances. I love this freedom! When will I ever have this again?

But I really hate the loneliness.

So if that would just go away I would be just peachy.

I wish I could get that feeling back of the Lord being my all and all, my Love and my life. Yet I feel so distant! 

Lord please take back what part of my heart I hold from You! Cause me to hear of Your lovingkindness and tenderness. I know you love me more that I will ever know, teach me to know that Your love is enough. That it is more than enough, that is extravagant. 

Thank you Jesus!

Josie the Rabbit

Did I mention God gave me a car?

 I named it Josie the Rabbit. Its a 1980 Volks Rabbit, and it looks like a Josie.

She's awesome, and I prayed for a car for a long time. And God gave me one!

so Praise Him!

Caribou.

Sitting in Caribou Coffee drinking a tall Americano, studying for my Anatomy and Physiology II exam that is only an hour and 22 minutes away. Summer shouldn't be like this...

I love learning, but right now I hate school. I want to just fall asleep and forget about responsibilities for awhile. It seems like when I am not working on school, I am worrying about school. Or driving to class, or doing homework. Maybe I should have been a liberal arts major.

But medicine is just so much fun!

all summer long...

not

Someday I will actually do something important, and even if nobody knows about it I will have done it and that will satisify me. Maybe I will go save a bunch of people that are dying from Malaria or something in Africa. That would be heroic. But what if my call is to be a mom and teach me kids? Could I actually live with that? I mean thats not a bad call by any means, but I think it would drive me crazy and I can't picture myself doing that. I want to do so much more!

I know I am different than my friends...and my family. Other than Daniel. Daniel and I feel the same way about this. Could we be content living the life that we see everyone else live? He thinks not. I think not. We were made for something more and this just doesn't cut it. But I suppose I will have to wait and see what that something is.

Save me oh my God..

From the wretched sinner that I am! 

Oh to be free from this body of sin, from the lies and deceit wether in word, thought, or deed. Save me oh God from the desires of the flesh, to live for ones own gain and selfish want. 

Save me oh God from my thoughts, towards others, of things, and not of You!

So that I may wake in the morning able to call you my Lord. So that I may again call you my Love, and not betray that love and trust with further sin.

God, You are the source of all and with you one day is as a thousand years and a thousand years as a day. You surpass my understanding, and for that you are to be praised. 

Yet Lord my iniquity is great. I am the lowest of the low, though you do not remember my sin.

Father How is it that you do not remember my sin? Every moment it is on my mind or on my lips you have dealt with and forgotton it altogether.

God this knowledge is too much, yet I thank you for it. 

How good you are!

The best of lovers and the most wonderful and on High being!

I know you are to be praised, you alone. Deliver me from the evil one and from my flesh that I might praise you all the days of my life and no longer dwell in this life of iniquity. Thank you, my Lord.